Inspiration.

Right now I’m in California (San Francisco to be exact) on a business trip. I lived here for 9 months and it’s been so strange to be back, since there are so many memories I have of this place. Since I’ve been back in town, I’ve hung out with my old roommate a fair amount and it’s been really inspiring to see how she’s turned her life around and it makes me want to do the same. She’s running in 5ks and marathons and raising money for various charities. She’s started working out and really focusing on improving her body and her health and that is inspiring to me. I really would like to live a healthier lifestyle and really focus on making my body the best that it can be.

I struggle so much with biting off more than I can chew and coming up with all of these lofty goals that never seem to pan out. I’m sick of it. I really want to have a new attitude about this whole diet, exercise, and life improvement plan. I don’t want to be complacent with where I am in my life. Health is one of those things that I’ve never taken seriously and considering all of the things that have happened to me in the past year *coughbloodclotcough* I really need to focus on keeping my body clean and healthy.

I want to use this blog to document all of that. I think that when I first started writing here, I was a little unsure of my purpose and not really thinking about what I need from this writing endeavor. Now that I have a better idea, I’m ready to start writing seriously and putting everything out there and focusing on finding a community and documenting my journey. I need clear, quantifiable goals and then I need to be serious about doing what I need to do to achieve them.

More to come…

 

New week, new leaf.

I decided to take a step in the right direction– I joined a gym and my membership begins on Sunday morning (the first day of the week here in Israel).  I’m back at home and dogsitting is over.

Starting next week, I’ll post about life in general, my workouts– and all of the yummy food that I eat– complete with pictures.

I’m really, really determined.

 

trouble. right here in river city.

So, I’ve been gone from the blogging scene as well, for many different reasons. Life is just too hectic for me right now and it’s sad because I started out so well last week. I went to the gym 3x and worked out, I walked to work for a few days, and I cooked meals in my apartment – really good meals. Then work got busy and life got busy and *poof* out the window. Most of it had to do with a really bad day I had last week.

I’ve always tended towards having a mood disorder. It’s nothing diagnosed or anything and I’m not on medication, but my moods are wacky. They are affected by so many things – my jobs, my friends, boys. Any small setback can take me from happy and smiling to feeling frustrated and depressed. When I was in middle school, I spent most of my time in a haze of teenage angst – writing angry poetry, cursing my parents, and occasionally cutting. I don’t know if I’ve ever spoken about that part of my life – it didn’t seem serious at the time and to me it still doesn’t, but I know that it was a personal low. I’ve never EVER done anything like that since then, but I have had my mood swings. My freshman year of college, I spent most of it sleeping because I was depressed and it was hard to get acclimated. Sophomore year, all of my activities depressed me in the same way and I felt awful 99% of the time – lots of tears and crying. When I get like that, I neglect my health, which is exactly what happened last week. I got upset about work, came home, drank several glasses of wine, and cried my eyes out. It was awful. Couple that with a new man in my life and trouble with my friends and it was a recipe for disaster. I drank, stopped going to the gym, and just sat around wallowing. So not cute.

I’m hoping to really stick this out and be serious about getting healthy and feeling better about myself. It’s just a process. In the words of Talib Kweli – “Life is a beautiful struggle.” I’m going to try my darndest to end up on top.

 

Back after an interesting few days…

As you can see, I took a break from blogging about food. I also took a break from reading food blogs and generally obsessing over food.  The results were mixed.

I’ve been writing about how I’m stressed and that eating in a healthy way has been a struggle.  I realized that, over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been putting *a lot* of time and energy into focusing on food, to the point where I was obsessing over my failures and my accomplishments– and essentially, food was defining my day. Good days were when I ate a variety of healthy foods, bad days were when I ate unhealthy foods or ate when I wasn’t hungry because I was stressed.   I freaked out after my last post because I realized that while trying to be healthy,  food and my perceptions of how I eat were taking over my life.  Literally.

So then I thought about the food bloggers and whether or not this was a community that I could join for support.  I came the conclusion that I want to give it a try, because it seems to be so positive for other people.  I’m going to try and start talking about some other things in posts too, in addition to what and how I eat, to remind myself that I’m a dynamic person and not just the sum of what I eat.

As for food over the past few days, I had a couple of very healthy days and some really, really good meals.  I also binged once and felt like absolute shit afterwards.  Last night was also a disaster.  But that’s okay.  I’ll be back with normal posts tomorrow, and I’m going to get back on  track.

FYI- contests galore!  Check out Oh She Glows’ contest for a chance to win Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred Workout DVD — open to anyone, anywhere in the world, so that includes ex-pats like me 😉 Also check out Chocolate Covered Katie’s Jocolat Larabar giveway, also open to people outside of the States.  Not finished yet! Check out Strawberry Shortstuff’s next Simply Bar giveaway— they look amazing.  Finally, just started reading a new blog and she’s already having a contest (!)– check out Krista’s Kravings yummy giveaway….

 

The Binge.

I’m not sure who I’ve told and who I haven’t, but when I was in middle school, I had an eating disorder.  I alternated between A and B, and as a result, I never had the omg-I-weigh-60-lbs freak out.  I was incredibly unhealthy and it took me over a year to confess this to my family.  My health was out of whack– physical and mental– and I had this obsession with the aspect of eating disorders that is my best friend and my worst enemy– CONTROL.  I had an answer for everything in order to stay thin– if I felt fat, I didn’t eat.  If I couldn’t control my hunger, I ate so much that I threw it all up anyway.

It  took me a couple of years, but I got some very effective treatment, and I haven’t defined myself as having A or B in a long, long time.  Problem is, now I have a new set of problems.

I spent so much time and mental energy learning to accept that my body needed food, and then I got carried away. Food became a comfort for me.  At first, I never associated any guilt with eating, regardless of how much I ate, because I felt like I was a superstar just for eating and keeping it down.  It took a few years, and that got out of hand.  Now, food is my response to stress, my response to general anguish, my response to anger.  It calms me down, and I feel like it’s ‘leftovers’ from my treatment back-in-the-day.

I’m writing about binging because the other day, for the first time in several years, I actually considered purging my food after a stress-induced binge.  I didn’t do it, but the fact that it was even a consideration is scary.  I thought to myself– ‘you know, being thin and struggling with A and B might actually be preferable to feeling not-quite-thin-enough (I want to be 20 lbs lighter, that’s all– but it feels miles away) and binging in a way that keeps the pounds on…’

I don’t think that I’ll ever go back to A and B, thank Gd.   Still, I feel like I need to recognize the way that I deal with food now as a type of disordered eating– and DEAL WITH IT as I dealt with A and B– because it’s taking over my life.  Again.

 

Drowning!

Not in water, so no worries.
Food is a struggle– some things to celebrate, some things to freak out about.

Tuesday’s Eats:

Breakfast:

• 2 eggs, sunny-side up, with garlic, crushed tomatoes, and pepper:

Very, Very tasty!

• fat-free yogurt with a tsp of lemon juice

Lunch:

• Best Quick Oats combo that I’ve had in a while:

I took an apple from work and walked home (well, to the housesitting gig) to make Quick Oats with apple, cinnamon, 1 tbsp of peanut butter, skim milk, and sweet-n-low.  AMAZING.

Unnecessary Snack:

• Right– so this is the point in the day during which I ate a 400 calorie cinnamon bun.  Why?  Because a co-worker literally put it in my face right after I’d gotten into a screaming match (yes, screaming match) with my boss.  So upset that I did this *again*!

Dinner:

• Chickpea and tuna salad with zatar and 2 tbsp of hummus:

Also very tasty!

• Soy patty with garlic and olive oil

After Dinner:

• Decaf coffee with a tsp of cocoa powder and skim milk– inspired by Eating Bender‘s coffee cocoa.  Very, very good– but I don’t really need to put cocoa in my coffee.  It feels excessive while I’m battling an addiction to sweets and avoiding chocolate.
• 200 calories worth of toffee that my roommate left laying on the table.  Ugh.

1. The good parts of today were the fact that I had a *lot* of water and have been keeping up with that goal meticulously, the fact that I’m still coffee free, and the fact that I made tasty meals that were satisfying three times.  Nothing on the go, nothing mediocre.
2. It would have been a perfect day if I hadn’t had the toffee and the cinnamon bun.  Your suggestions have been on the mark, and despite the fact that I am *extremely* stressed right now, I need to put them in action.  Today I’m going to  try doing something else when I’m stressed, and making room for *small* portions of sweets to see if that will curb the craving.

Really want to blog about everything that is stressing me out, but I have to get going.  More later.

 

snack snack snack

Today was another mostly positive day. I did break my no snacking rule, however, it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol, although the stress of work and the start of my period really made me crave a whiskey sour (I don’t know why, but it gets rid of my cramps). I also went to the gym again, but I only did 45 minutes this time – I was too ravenous and crampy to stay any longer. Here’s the food log.

Breakfast

• 2% Plain Fage Greek yogurt, sweetened with honey
• 3 grapes (didn’t like them, so I only ate three)

Lunch

• Chili spiced sweet potatoes
• Cajun rice (only ate about 1/2 serving on the plate)
• BBQ Jalapeno seitan
• 1 1/2 sugar cookies

Snack

• Handful of Pirate’s Booty
• Small package of gummy bears

Post work-out snack

• Cube of mozzarella cheese
• Small handful of caramel flavored rice cakes

Dinner

• 1 Lamburger (so good!)
• Walnut and Parmesan salad w/ homemade vinaigrette

Snack

• Two thin mint girl scout cookies (edit: I ate two more when roomie and I were staying up talking. My stomach was growling. haha)

I feel like I ate SO much writing it all out and yet I’m still not really full. That’s the thing with me and working out. The second I start burning calories and doing cardio, I become a beast. I just want to eat and eat. I don’t feel bad about what I ate today (at least I didn’t while I was eating it), but now that I’ve elaborated on it, it feels excessive. I really hate snacking – it’s not something I like doing, but I need the fuel. I just need to fuel a bit more efficiently, I think.

On the plus side, I had a nice moment today where I stopped eating Pirate’s Booty because I realized I was only eating it because it was there. I really want to try and focus on eating only when I’m hungry, instead of acting like I’ve been on a desert island with no food and all of a sudden, I’m in a grocery store. Honestly, sometimes that’s how I behave. It’s not attractive and it certainly hasn’t gotten me anywhere. So that’s my new focus – what, when and why am I eating?

 

All over the place…

Monday was one of these days that I don’t really know how to characterize, because it was full of ups and downs.  I’m really stressed out right now– about health and food, about men, about work, about money, about my future– and I need to get it together.

Today is ‘rosh chodesh’– basically, a new month on the Jewish calendar.  I’m not very religious (though I toy with it), but since I’ve lived in Israel and people actually semi-acknowledge rosh chodesh, I’ve always tried to look at the new month as a chance to start over.  This month (Adar, btw), I’m definitely going to try and do that in many respects.  More on that later…

Monday’s food:

Breakfast:

• Quick Oats w/ 1 tbsp of peanut butter, cinnamon, and sweet-n-low (another attempt at having protein for breakfast– and it was *very* tasty– I was full until lunch, which is definitely an accomplishment)

Lunch:

• Had another lunch that is provided by my workplace– same boring lunch as yesterday, basically– in an effort to save money, and because I’m not ‘home’ to make my usual lunches:  tuna on a (white) roll w/ tomato and light mayo
• a few spoonfuls of cottage cheese

Snack:

• 2 maple cookies  — I had this right after lunch and so I wasn’t even hungry– I just needed something sweet.  I’m trying to internalize some of your advice and accept that this is OK as long as I don’t binge and go overboard.

Dinner:

• My friend that just got back from Canada gave me a bottle of real maple syrup, which is hard to come by in Israel (and obviously, the best comes from Canada!):

So, naturally, R and I made pancakes for dinner (and I’m still looking for a unique recipe to make use of the syrup)….

Pancakes were okay– we burnt a few (also pictured!) and we used margarine instead of butter– which simply doesn’t work. It’s not that they were bad, but I feel like in the future, if I’m going to *indulge* in pancakes, I’m going to make them the right way.  You really need that buttery flavor.

Kept up with my water intake, too– which helped.

1. Ate pancakes beyond when I stopped being hungry.  It just felt like such a treat and I had just come home from a *VERY* stressful day at work (and was on my way back after dinner to deal with more stress) and I did the whole stress-eating  thing.  I’m not terribly upset about it, but I need to keep my promise to myself to really work on this.
2. I need to remember to bring a whole wheat roll on days that I’m going to surrender to the office tuna for lunch.  I just don’t feel healthy when I eat a  big, white roll.
3. Next time, one maple cookie should do the trick 🙂
4. Definitely need to keep up with the protein for breakfast trend.  It makes *such* a difference.

I feel like all of my ups and downs in terms of food are  related to the ups and downs of my life in general.  I’m going to take an hour today to write about everything that is stressing me out and to come up with proactive ways to deal with it all.  I come home every day and just want to collapse in my bed and forget it all– and shockingly enough, it’s not helping 🙂  Maybe I’ll blog about some of this stuff later, when I have more clarity.

xo

 

The Merits of Being Selfish

Today I decided to be completely and totally selfish and it seems to have worked for me. I told myself that I was leaving work at 5 pm regardless of what I had or hadn’t finished. I got in at 8 am and damnit, 9 hours with no concrete lunch break is more than enough work for a day, especially considering what I do. So I left work at 5, picked up my blood thinners and some toiletries, got some groceries to make dinner and came home. I also went to the gym! Yay! Worked out for 1 hour – 30 minute course on the bike and 30 minutes of the elliptical/stairmaster hybrid machine. I feel fabulous! I hope I can keep this attitude up tomorrow.

As for food – I’m okay today. It was mac and cheese bar at work, which means all mac and cheese, all the time. Macaroni and cheese is my weakness and I refuse to say no to it, so I had it for lunch, but I coupled it with a nice salad, so I don’t feel so bad about it. I ate a fruit/veggie at every meal and I even remembered to take pictures. I also took my blood thinners in the correct dosage. Today is definitely a success!

Food Diary

Breakfast

• Greek yogurt with walnuts and honey
• 1 honey tangerine

Lunch

• One small scoop of buffalo chicken mac and cheese
• Classic mac and cheese with jalapeno tabasco sauce (the only way to eat it – for realz)
• Mixed greens with walnuts, parmesan, and balsamic vinaigrette dressing

Dinner

• 2 small lamb and mozzarella burgers, each one on half of a whole wheat bun
• Mixed greens with walnuts, freshly grated parmesan, and homemade balsamic vinaigrette dressing

Alcohol

• None – take that!

Recipes:

Lamb Burger with Smoked Mozzarella

• Cut 1/4 pound of smoked mozzarella into four pieces
• Divide a pound of ground lamb into quarters
• Form into patties around each piece of cheese
• Add salt and pepper to taste
• Grill or broil until the outsides feel very firm, 3-4 min per side
• Serve on toasted buns

Homemade balsamic vinaigrette

• I Tbsp.Dijon  mustard
• 2-3 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar
• 2-3  Tbsp.olive oil
• 2-3 Tbsp. canola oil
• salt and pepper

 

Sunday= Kind of a Tough Day

Today was typical of an office environment;  a co-worker came back from three weeks in Canada and we were all ecstatic to see her.  In Israel, ecstatic= food.  She brough back a ton of maple candy and cookies, and everyone sat around to hear about the family wedding that she’d just a ttented and to eat.  I had already eaten lunch and *was not* hungry, so I told myself to drink my water, concentrate on the conversation, and just stay away.  After sitting there for an hour, I literally couldn’t take it anymore. I had no self-control.  I have a few pieces of maple candy and a bunch of cookies– something to the tune of 6.  If i had just had one or two, I wouldn’t be dwelling– but I completely binged.  I want to understand why, and I need to come up with ways of avoiding this!  If the only way for me to avoid eating crap that my body doesn’t want OR need is to stay locked in my apartment, that doesn’t really help me much.

Rest of the day was fine, though none of the food was terribly exciting:

Breakfast:

• Quick Oats with Sweet-N-Low, two tbsp of peanut butter, and a splash of skim milk.
• Decaf coffee with skim

Lunch:

• Tuna with light mayo and tomato– on a roll– but it was white bread and kind of big.  It was what we had around the office and I didn’t want to go buy a whole wheat one– but I should have.

After Lunch Binge:

• See above

Dinner:

• Burrito with rice, an egg, sweet garlic sauce, and onion.  It was  just me throwing together snacks, but it was really tasty.  I had to force myself to eat dinner because I was tempted to skip a meal since I’d binged on cookies… I guess that it’s good that I didn’t.

1. I’m really at a loss when it comes to understanding WHY I binged.  I couldn’t resist the temptation, it was a social situation?  Really don’t know.
2. I am really sick of housesitting and want to go home to the collection of healthy food that I’ve built up over the past month.  I just brough some *scraps* here and my meals are getting dull, which is not encouraging me to do things like avoid binges.  Less than a week left, though.
3. Didn’t drink enough water today!  Gotta fix that.
4. Chocolate and coffee are still out of the picture!
5. Adding a bit of peanut butter for a protein burst seems to be good.  It really helped with breakfast.  I need to find a lower-calorie peanut butter, though (that tastes good).  Probably difficult to find in Israel, which is annoying!

Really hoping to make today a much, much better day.  We’ll see.

Hope everyone has a good one–!

 

Saturday. Oy. Need Some Advice.

There were thunderstorms all day on Saturday and again, I did nothing.  Food wise, the day was nice– until the very end.

Breakfast:

• Bowl of Quick Oats with skim milk and cinnamon
• Decaf coffee w skim

Lunch:

• So I’m always totally jealous of eating bender and her sweet potatoes with cottage cheese and ketchup, so I made it myself– except, we didn’t have ketchup, so I replaced it with a little bit of matbucha:

Very, very tasty!

• Also had some leftover salad from the night before– cucumber, tomato, lettuce, fennel, and light vinegarette:

Dinner:

• I thought I was doing damage control, because I was heading home (dogsitting now in Tel Aviv, and I live in Jerusalem) for the night and I wanted to avoid one of my roommate’s highly unhealthy dinners, and so R and I made an early dinner.  We had plain old spaghetti with a simple sauce (crushed tomato, oregano, onion, black pepper) and a side of peas.  Not the healthiest, but fine.

Roomie was eating, so I had to join…

• 5 big crackers with jelly
• handful of butterscotch chips

1. So yeah– I don’t know what that was about.  I was full after dinner, but I ended up chatting with the roomie when I got home and she had a bunch of random foods out on the table in the living room, and I just dug in.  I *hate* it when I do this.  I make an effort all day– and yes, it still feels like an effort– and then I go for something that my body doesn’t even really need or want! Why?
2. Other than that, the day was fine.  Food was very good. I need to buy some whole wheat pasta to have around while I’m dogsitting, though (1 more week).

Anyone have any suggestions for avoiding impulse eating? Eating out of boredom? eating just because someone else is?

Have a good one…

 

i have returned.

Okay, the internet in my apartment just up and stopped working so I’ve been having trouble posting, but now I’m at my parents’ house so it makes sense to update. I’ve decided to do a ton of work this weekend so that I don’t have to work late at the office, which means I won’t have to eat there and I can actually have time to cook a healthy meal for myself. I was reading Women’s Health magazine and I’ve found a couple of recipes I’ve posted below that I’m going to try.

Shruti mentioned that she thinks both Tal and I haven’t been getting enough protein and it turns out there’s an article in this month’s edition of WH about getting more protein. Here are the three recipes I intend on trying:

Lamb Burger with Smoked Mozzarella

• Cut 1/4 pound of smoked mozzarella into four pieces
• Divide a pound of ground lamb into quarters
• Form into patties around each piece of cheese
• Add salt and pepper to taste
• Grill or broil until the outsides feel very firm, 3-4 min per side
• Serve on toasted buns

Grilled Chicken with Pesto Sauce

• In a blender or food processor, puree 2 cups fresh basil, 1 garlic clove, pinch salt, 2 Tbsp pine nuts, 1/2 cup grated Parmesan, 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil
• Season 1 pound of thin chicken cutlets with salt and pepper
• Grill for about 4 minutes per side
• Paint with pesto and serve

Broiled Chicken with Cilantro and Lime

• Combine 3 Tbsp peanut oil, 2 Tbsp chopped cilantro leaves, 1 Tbsp freshly squeezed lime juice, 1 Tbsp chopped shallots, 1/4 tsp cayenne, salt and pepper
• Spread half in pan and add the chicken
• Sprinkle meat with more salt and pepper, then top with the remaining mixture
• Broil until cooked through, about 10 min
• Garnish with chopped cilantro and lime wedges

I’m also going to go trolling the blogosphere to find out ways to cook seitan. I don’t think I can ever give up meat, but I love the texture and taste of seitan (they serve it at work) and I think I’d like to start incorporating it into my diet more.

In positive news, I plan on getting on the treadmill tonight and doing about 1 1/2 hours of exercise. I’ll let you know if I succeed!

 

Couple of things…

First– bloggers and non-bloggers: Strawberry Shortstuff has a contest going on (ends tomorrow!) to win 40 simply bars– and it’s open to anywhere in the world, which means that foodies like me– in a different country– are eligible 🙂  Check it out.

Also, send me links for your favorite food blogs… I’m looking for a few more.  Thanks!

x Tal

 

Lazy day, good food.

Got into a draining argument with the boy (not boyfriend– we have issues, which is a whole different story for a different blog) and was feeling sorry for myself all day.  That and the rainy weather (which I absolutely love, but still…) made me really sluggish.  Didn’t do much that didn’t require a lot of sitting, aside from walking  this cutie– the dog that I’m dogsitting right now:

Anyway, on to today’s food:

Brunch (woke up too late for breakfast):

• Quick Oats with skim milk, Splenda, and cinnamon– simple, but good.

• 2 eggs with onions and spoonful of matbucha— good! And finally eating some protein:

• Small salad– which was really just a few lettuce leaves with light vinegarette

Snack:

• Bowl of Cheerios
• Decaf coffee with skim

Dinner:

• R and I made this delicious Garlic Soup— great recipe, recommend using 2 cups of stock rather than 1.5:

• Salad– lettuce, tomato, cucumber, fennel (recent obsession of mine), and light vinegarette
• Sweet potato with margarine– always, always, always yummy:

• Israeli couscous– another recent obsession of mine– with a few spoonfuls of tomato paste, garlic, zucchini, onion, and a few sprinkles of all spice:

I really enjoyed this dinner.  A lot.  Felt satisfied again, not completely stuffed.

I felt like I ate well today in the sense that I had two meals that were tasty and healthy.  I didn’t eat anything on-the-go (probably because I was a complete blob all day and didn’t really go anywhere!) and it’s just a simple fact that I really enjoy my food a lot more when I put some effort into it.

I’m still housesitting for another week, but I’m going to make a real effort to not slack when it comes to cooking and healthy (not dull) eating.

Over 3 weeks and I’m still coffee free! Pretty soon, I’ll have gone a week without chocolate, also.

Today’s biggest accomplishment, by far, was not eating something unhealthy or unnecessary just because I was stressed and upset about the previously mentioned boy.

On to my exercise problems– I’m supposed to run a 10k in 1 month and a half and I am so exhausted lately and slacking in the running department.  I need to run that race 😦

 

2/19– good eats.

Today’s Food:

Breakfast (on-the-go):

 

• Hot vanilla at Coffee Bean– sugar-free and with skim
• Croissant 

 

Lunch:

 

• Omelette with 2 egg and matbucha (<— try this!!!)
• 1 fat free yougurt

 

Before dinner Drinking:

 

• 2.5 glasses of merlot

 

Dinner:

 

• Had dinner reservations with Rachel!
• 3/4 of a roll (MAN I love bread! ugh!)
• 1 glass of wine
• small green salad
• Chicken breast with mustard sauce!

 

 

It was *very* yummy, and it was definitely the healthiest looking option on the menu.

Dessert:

 

• Despite our hearty meal, we couldn’t resist– so we shared a creme brulee– very good.  We were at a kosher meat restaurant, which means that the dessert had no dairy products, so I’m not quite sure how they made it.  Anyway, sharing a dessert was a good move, because I’m sure that I would have devoured it on my own..

 

^ Creme Brulee that we shared

1. 2/19 started out as a beautiful day; I’d had a great night the night before — with a certain someone, even if we’re completely dysfunctional and don’t know what we want– and I left his place in the morning, you know, sort of bouncing– totally ready for the day.  I think that it helped me make relatively healthy choices through lunch.  My mood SERIOUSLY affects what I eat.
2. The croissant wasn’t the healthiest choice, but it wasn’t  too big and it didn’t have anything in it.  Still, just empty carbs and calories and I didn’t feel satisfied after eating it.  I’m going to make more of an effort to pack breakfast when I’m on-the-go.  Still, I need some suggestions for breakfasts on-the-go, because sometimes it’s inevitable… anyone?
3. Eating out went well, I think.  The only thing that I wish I’d skipped was the 3/4 of a roll.  Very unnecessary, and it was white bread, too.  The problem was that it was out there before the food and I was *so hungry*.  Anyone have an strategies for avoiding before meal bread at restaurants?  I ended up eating the whole main course and not taking any home, but honestly– I wasn’t stuffed. I was full. And satisfied.
4. Drank 3.5 glasses of wine, which is a lot, but if I only do that when I go to nice restaurants, I’ll allow myself the indulgence.  Same goes for splitting a dessert.

All in all, I feel good about today.  Eating a decadent meal at a restaurant didn’t make me feel guilty, mostly because it’s such an infrequent thing.

I came home to my laptop charger having been fried! I have to replace it, but I don’t know how or when, so bear with me if my posts are less frequent.  Probably not, though– I always find a way.  Anyway, stressed about this.  My computer is my right hand!

I’m thinking about what I need to do about my lactose intolerance.  Stop eating dairy, or lactaid pills.  Leaning towards the lactaid

Cheers to all 🙂

 

I love milk and I’m in denial…

If you know me at all, you know that warm milk with honey (being that I live in the land of milk and honey, and all) has become a staple for me when I’m cold or when I’m craving coffee (almost 3 weeks now, coffee free!).  I love love love yogurt and cheese and often have cravings for a glass of milk on its own.  This would all be dandy except… I think that I’m lactose intolerant.

I have all of the symptoms.  It used to just be minor, but now I’m feeling gassy (sorry!) and nauseous after having my nightly warm milk and honey, and I can’t think of any other reason.

This *can’t* be happening!  I don’t know what I’ll do without dairy.  Maybe I should start trying dairy substitutes? 😦

Dinner reservations tonight. hoping that it isn’t a disaster…

 

one year ago today i had a pulmonary embolism.

Last February, I was visiting my best friend in DC when I ended up in the hospital. What started as a cramp became a stitch in my side, and then a pain in my chest that radiated through my arm. After the pain was so bad that I started hysterically crying (and ladies and gentleman, I am NOT a crier), I went to the hospital. I felt like I was having a heart attack, but I was only 22 and 22 year olds don’t have heart attacks and I was scared and nervous, so I didn’t tell the doctors what I was feeling. Instead, I took about 90 million tests to determine that I was having a pulmonary embolism, or a blood clot in the lung.

I still can’t believe it. Blood clot. A 22 year old with good cholesterol, good blood pressure, and no outward signs of problems was having a blood clot. Crazy. Turns out, it was caused by birth control, which is actually fairly common. I swear, anytime you have something weird happen to you like 90 people come out of the woodwork with the same deal. Through my embolism, I met a bunch of young women who’d had the same thing happen to them.

The thing about getting sick is it forces you to think about your priorities. For me, it caused me to move from San Francisco to New York City to be closer to my Long Island-based family. It forced me to realize that I am mortal and that I can die and that death is something that can happen to anyone. I learned to take care of myself – all alone in CA I was in charge of taking my daily medication and administering the twice daily shots I had to take. I learned to say “no” or “I’m too tired” or “I can’t do that” because there were things I physically couldn’t do. I bounced back pretty quickly – it was tough, but I’ve never been one for wallowing too long and quite frankly, staying at home in bed was lame. I was back at work in a week, which some may say was foolish, but was really what I needed.

One thing I discovered was community. I joined a group online for other folks with PEs and we talked about our struggles, the medication, how we felt, our fears. It was wonderful – I’ve never felt so supported by a group of people that I didn’t know. We shared our ups and downs, tips for how to deal with this thing that had happened to us. So many of us were young women who were never taught the side effects of the pill. It was a really nice sense of community.

I made a promise to myself after I had the PE. I swore I would be healthier, take better care of myself, do right by my body. And I have failed. I mean, there’s no two ways about it – I have failed my body. I’m lucky to be alive and sometimes I think about all of the horrible things I’ve done to my body in this past year and it makes me sad. I need to do better. I really want to do better and it’s time to start living the way I’m supposed to live. Focusing on keeping my body clean and living a lifestyle I can be proud of. I’m hoping this blog will do that for me and hopefully through reading about other people’s struggles I can find a community much like the one I had when I first had my PE. It may have taken me a little longer to come to terms with things and make the changes I need to make, but I’m convinced that it’s never too late to start.

 

i almost cried today.

My job is frustrating me, almost to the point of tears because I feel like someone’s burying me alive as I try and get out of the hole they’ve dug. They just keep pouring that dirt on and anytime I get close to getting out, someone dumps another shovelful. So in that vein, I didn’t exercise, and I made poor food choices. Lovely. Here’s the recap

Breakfast

• 1/2 package of Fage yogurt, sweetened with honey
• 1 piece of amaretto challah french toast, topped with brown sugar and walnuts (so good, but so bad!)

Lunch

• 2 puebla chicken tacos with cheese, salsa, and sour cream

Snack

• 1 oz. pirate’s booty

Dinner

• 2 forkfuls of beef stew with noodles (so gross I couldn’t finish, but I was working late and it was what they were serving)

Snack

• 1 1/2 glasses of wine
• Sleeve of Town House crackers

Ugh, I am so disgusted with myself. I just wish I had time to eat the way I want to. What I really want to know is how do you deal with stress and eating? Honestly – when your job makes you want to cry and you’re in the office til late, how do you ensure that you get the right nutrients? I don’t understand it. Clearly.

 

Skipped a meal, and it doesn’t feel so good.

Let’s start with today’s food.

Breakfast:

• Bowl of Cheerios with skim milk
• decaf coffee

Lunch:

• Went out for Indian with a co-worker and got a complete meal that included 1 serving of na’an (Indian bread– AMAZING), corn soup (also very tasty), and chicken manchuri– spicy and fantastic.

Early Evening Snack:

• Light Choco Soy Milk (see previous posts)
• Small cup of tomato soup

Dinner:

• Impulsively decided to skip dinner because I’d had a big lunch and eaten out 😦  Had a warm cup of milk with a teaspoon of honey.

1. I’m really happy that I’ve been eating breakfast, but I need to stop eating a boring bowl of cereal.  It doesn’t really do much for me in the morning.  I’ve been noticing that other foodies are eating lots of fruits and such in the morning, and I need to do that.  Again, my dull eating habits this week are really because I’m not at home with all of my delicious foods.  I’m having  a friend cover for me this weekend while I’m housesitting so that I can go home and come back with more vibrant foods.  I have a whole bunch of recipes that I need to try this week.  Yummy photos– and breakfasts!– to come.
2. Skipping a meal was dumb. Lunch was big, but it wasn’t the end of the world.  It wasn’t terribly unhealthy and I *indulged* (Thanks, Lee, for helping me reconsider that word)– so what?  Now it’s past 10pm and I deprived myself of dinner.  When will I be able to stop *punishing* myself?
3. Today was just dull and disappointing food wise.  I need to reinvigorate my motivation to nourish my body, cook some healthy masterpieces, and to stop *depriving* myself when I’ve eaten out.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

 

Eating Out… the right way. Is there a right way?!

I have dinner reservations with a friend tomorrow night. It’s a treat from her mom for her birthday, and it’s a nice place. It’s mostly a meat restaurant and I’m not too big on meat, and so my options will be limited. I have to confess– even though I’m excited for a really nice night with a good friend, I’m equally stressed about the whole thing.

As I’ve said, creating a new, healthy lifestyle for myself is a day-by-day kind of thing– full of struggles and triumphs. I try to end each day thinking about what I’d like to accomplish the next day, and what I’ve accomplished today. Going out to a restaurant is kind of out of my comfort zone right now: I don’t know what they’re putting into my food, I don’t know if the portion that they give me is a good size, etc. Part of me wants to say ‘Tal, seriously, just eat out once in a while, enjoy, and forget about it.’ The other part of me feels like I’m working too hard to have a meal that has me waking up and feeling like I’m back to my ‘old ways.’

I’m not about to cancel my plans. I just need to find a way to keep these plans, and to leave the restaurant feeling like I’m still on track, like I’ve made a healthy choice.

Howwww? 🙂

 

the theme is moderation.

I struggle with doing things in moderation – it’s a character flaw that I’ve always had. I’m either living like a hedonist or punishing myself like a monk. I’m not good at taking the middle road, but that’s really the only way to go. I know that I can’t eat/drink whatever I like and lose weight and feel healthy, but I also can’t expect to give up all of life’s pleasures. I’ll fail – I know I will. People far stronger than me have failed when they try and cut everything out. So from now on, I’m just going to try and take everything in moderation. Moderate eating, moderate drinking, moderate exercising.

Today was good for me – I struggled a little bit (ate a large lunch), but I think ultimately I’m pleased with my choices for today (avoided the Haagan Dazs in my freezer).

Food Diary

Breakfast

• 1/2 container of Fage yogurt, sweetened with 1 tsp honey (I find I like the honey better than the splenda – richer taste and splenda upsets my stomach)
• Small serving of jalapeno home fries

Lunch

• Whole baby carrots with curry
• Chili w/ cheese & sour cream and cornbread (eek!)

Dinner

• 3 cheese tortellini with parmesean cheese (no sauce)
• Small head of broccoli
• 1 glass red wine

I broke my alcohol rule, but to be honest, I’m not too upset about it since it was just one glass of wine, which is perfectly okay. I would like to stop eating these huge lunches, but my job makes it so difficult. Thankfully, I didn’t eat until I was bursting at all today. I ate enough to be comfortably full and enough where I didn’t feel the desire to snack at all. My plans for tomorrow have been canceled, so I plan on cooking a real dinner for myself – I have a recipe for a wonderful pear and walnut salad that I’ve been dying to make. I’ll throw in some protein and it should be enough for dinner. I desperately need to up my veggie and fruit intake, so I’m going to work on that tomorrow. They serve a lot of raw food at work and maybe I should start exploring those options.

All in all, I’m pleased about today. I can obviously do better, but I certainly could’ve done worse.

 

2/17– A Healthy Day

Today was a good day in terms of staying healthy. I’m not at home right now, I’m house sitting at an apartment without all of my regular food and kitchen supplies, and so I’ve been kind of unmotivated to cook. Last week was full of new recipes and exciting healthy adventures– this week has been dull. In any case, I’m happy that I didn’t engage in any stress eating or emotional eating today and I’m getting ready for bed feeling like I can stick to all of this and accomplish my goals..

Today’s food:

Breakfast:

• oatmeal (real, not instant!) with skim milk
• decaf coffee (we’re approaching 3 weeks of being coffee free!!!)

Lunch:

• whole wheat pita, 2 pieces of light cheese with tomato
• small mug of tomato soup

Snack:

• Light soy chocolate milk (box– see photo from previous entry– very good, and it’s not real chocolate– still chocolate free!!!)

Dinner (didn’t feel like cooking, so we prepared kind of a free for all):

• couscous-type-stuff with some tomato paste, oregano, and garlic
• whole wheat pita w 1/4 can of tuna and parsley and tomato
• small green salad with light vinegarette
• an egg (protein, finally)

Post-Dinner:

• decaf coffee

1. Again, really happy that I ate reasonably today, when I was hungry– *not* just because I was stressed. Also celebrating giving up coffee and chocolate. More on that later…
2. I focused a lot on water today. I had a little more than 1.5 liters and I really feel the difference. I’m usually dehydrated on some level. The water also helped curb the desire to snack when I was kind of bored. I’m going to try and keep up with drinking this much water daily.
3. I’ll be house sitting for another 8 days, and so I really need to force myself to continue to cook and try new things even though I’m in a different place and feel less comfortable. Making the same, easy stuff all of the time makes being healthy less exciting than it was a week ago. I don’t want boredom to be my downfall…

Like I said in previous posts, I gave up coffee for health reasons. I am *really* affected by caffeine– my heart races and my sleep schedule was totally off. Now my sleep schedule is completely normal and my body feels better, healthier. This was one of the best and healthiest decisions that I’ve made in a long time. Giving up chocolate has also made me feel healthier. Eventually, when I no longer use it as a crutch and find healthier ways to deal with stress, I’ll slowly integrate it back into my diet. For now, I’m still happy with this choice..

I’ve been perusing the foodie blogosphere recently and am picking up all sorts of ideas for healthy meals and lifestyles– it’s exciting! A couple of things that today’s perusing has brought up for me:

• People seem really into lara bars and other bars as snacks or parts of meals. I’ve never gotten into the whole bar thing, but I’m thinking that it might be a good snack to try. I’m trying to figure out which to try, and which aren’t *too* expensive.
• Support really is crucial. The food bloggers have this entire network of people that support them, and given my earlier post today re: friends that aren’t supportive, I’ve realized that I need to do a better job for creating a support network.

Hoping that tomorrow is also a success! Day by day, I think, is the best way to handle all of this.

 

Why are some of my friends really my enemies?

When I think about my desire to learn to live a healthier lifestyle and what sorts of things make that difficult, my friends come to mind.

Layla and I– in starting this blog– have developed a mutual trust. We, in addition to a couple of my close friends, can be supportive and keep our own emotions and struggles out of the picture when we’re talking about the others’ issues with food and exercise. Other than that, though, my friends are often my worst enemy when it comes to food.

First, there are the friends that don’t take this whole journey seriously. I get up the nerve to tell them that I’m trying to be healthy and that hey, I’d rather not go out to eat every time we hang out and that I’d prefer to use whole wheat pasta when we cook together– and then they pressure me to do otherwise. Why can’t these people be supportive? I definitely respect their choices to eat as they please and to not pay so much attention to health (I think that it’s a shame, but I don’t try and change their minds), so why can’t they respect my goals? I have to take responsibility for my own actions, I know that. Still, it would be so much easier to avoid *food disasters* if my friends were encouraging. I have enough issues with self-control and having friends that essentially want me to lose this battle with myself– well, it sucks.

Then, there are my friends that are also either dieting or trying to be healthier. You would think that we would be a support network for one another, and like I said, with a few close friends, that’s true. Still, I have several friends that just don’t feel like we’re ‘in it together.’ These friends resent it when I’m making healthy choices and they aren’t; this results in them pressuring me to ‘cave in.’ One of the stories that really, really sticks out in my mind is something that happened several months ago. I was completely healthy and ate well all day, and then went out for a night with a few girlfriends. We ended up drinking a lot and I told myself that I would *not* eat a second dinner (pizza, etc.), which is a habit that I picked up back in college when I drank wayyy too much. My friends inevitably ended up at the pizza place and I waited quietly, without ordering. My ‘friend’, also a health conscious person, literally waved her pizza in my face and said ‘you know you want to order some! just do it!’ It was so obvious to me that she just wanted me to join in her indulgence, and to this day, I *still* resent her for being so selfish. It was difficult enough to be pretty tipsy and to make a healthy choice (after having made an unhealthy one), and she didn’t care. She just wanted to ‘go down’ together.

I doubt that I’ll change these people, but I need to learn how to deal with them. Who can I ask for support from, and how? Ugh.

 

back!

Okay, I’m back from DC – I’m glad that Tal was able to hold down the fort. Of course, this weekend I not only fell off the wagon, I think I broke it. I drank wayyy more than I needed to, although,  I suppose food-wise I did pretty well. We only ate home-cooked meals (with the exception of pizza one night). Of course, no exercise, which I really need to work on.

I’m in a strange place right now in my life and I need to stop that from affecting my personal health, which it clearly is. Since I pretty much failed on all my goals for last week, I’m going to set some new ones and hold myself to a higher standard of accountability. Hopefully, I can do better this week.

Goals for Week 2:

• Post my food log every day.
• Get to the gym 3x this week.
• Take my blood thinners daily.
• Cook dinner 2x this week and post the recipes.
• Cut down on alcohol – no drinking in the apartment
• Write about my experience with blood clotting.

 

2/15 and 2/16

2/15 was a strange day in terms of food.  I do weird things when I feel like I’m losing control.

Breakfast:

• 3 cookies and a lemon bar– the baked goods that I brought in for co-workers.

Lunch:

• Went out to lunch with people from the office and it was a disaster: chicken breast with tomato and olive oil
• Small green salad with olive oil and pepper

Before dinner snack/meal?:

• Was really stressed out when I got home and thus, ravenously hungry– 1 small bowl of cereal with skim milk
• 1/2 whole wheat pita with light strawberry jelly

Dinner:

• Part 1:  5 heaping spoonfuls of Roomie’s pasta with whoknowswhat in it
• Part 2: tiny portion of what should have been my entire dinner– rice with olive oil, avocado, cucumber, tomato, and some spices

1. I’m really proud of the fact that I found the healthiest thing on the menu and was totally fine eating plain chicken breast with tomatoes while everyone else was eating decadent pasta dishes.  Definitely an accomplishment.
2. My meal/snack before dinner is something that I want to be able to avoid.  I was completely stress eating and even though I didn’t eat anything really unhealthy, it was extra food that my body didn’t really need.  I need to work on this.
3. I got home and felt stressed/rushed and ate 5 heaping spoonfuls of Roomie’s pasta surprise with every unhealthy thing in the book.  More stress eating, which was extra-unhealthy because it caused me to feel guilty.  The guilt made me skimp on the delicious, healthy dinner that I prepared with a friend.  I had a tiny serving, didn’t feel satisfied.  I need to stop ‘punishing’ myself for mistakes by skimping on healthy food.
4. This was Day 3 of NO chocolate.  Excellent.
5. My disgusting ‘breakfast’ was the result of me skipping breakfast at home, AGAIN.

2/16:  A Better Day

Breakfast:

• B-fast burrito with an egg and some rice.  Sounds gross, really good.

Lunch

• Big salad with sweet potato and tuna; light vinegarette dressing.  VERY tasty, and not so expensive.
• 1/2 of a whole wheat roll

Dinner

• 1 whole wheat pita with two pieces of light, cholesterol free cheese– a little bit of tomato.
• 1 light soy chocolate milk (addendum to my chocolate law, see below)

1. I ate a lot of healthy food today and felt satisfied.  I managed to skip stress eating, even though today was stressful.
2. light chocolate soy milk…. has no added sugar and contains *fake* chocolate.  I decided to allow myself to have this from time to time since it’s 1) tasty 2) healthy– no added sugar and very low calorie and 3) doesn’t contain real chocolate…

Sorry for the crappy cell photo.  My camera needs to be charged.  Anyway, you get the idea!

Still not getting enough exercise. I *will* run tomorrow!

 

2/14

First thing is first– time to celebrate day 2 of no chocolate. Definitely had some cravings, but my coffee withdrawal was worse.

Today’s food:

Breakfast:

• Bowl of Cheerios with skim milk
• Fat-free yogurt

Lunch:

• Small salad, leftover from last night (lettuce, cucumber, strawberries, light vinegarette)
• Yam, Zucchini, Chickpea salad (followed the recipe exactly, except I didn’t use any salt– I never cook with salt) on 1.5 whole wheat pitas

Dinner:

• Leftover Yam, Zucchini, Chickpea salad on 1/2 of a whole wheat pita
• Tiny scoop of rice with leftover garlic soup from yesterday

Adventures in Baking:

• 1 Lemon Bar (great recipe, really simple)
• 1 Cookie (see photo and recipe below)
• Did *not* snack on dough, etc. while baking!

1. Today was just fine in terms of food. Perhaps I didn’t need a cookie and lemon bar, but I’ll live. As far as baking goes, this is the most successful that I’ve probably ever been in terms of avoiding a food disaster. We baked right after lunch so that we weren’t hungry, and then I drank some decaf coffee while we were baking to keep my mouth busy. I’m bringing the baked goods to a friend and into work tomorrow– people really enjoy baked goods and I really want to be able to bake on a consistent basis without it ruining my healthy endeavors. Today wasn’t bad at all!
2. I was a little lame today with the leftovers, though I suppose that it wasn’t unhealthy. Just boring…

These cookies are by no means healthy, but they’re only about 100 calories a piece. My advice? Eat 1 and give the rest to special people.

Cherry Shortbread Cookies

• 1 cup butter, softened
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
• 1/4 cup cherries

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
2. Combine butter, flour, and confectioners’ sugar. Beat butter by itself for about 5 minutes, an then add flour and sugar until light and fluffy. Spoon onto cookie sheets, spacing cookies 2 inches apart. Put a cherry in the middle of each cookie.
   
3. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the bottoms of the cookies are lightly browned.
4. Remove from oven, and let cool on cookie sheet for 5 minutes, then transfer cookies to wire rack to cool.
   
5. If desired, sprinkle confectioner’s sugar over the cookies once cool.
   

 

2/13

So after recording my series of minor epiphanies, I had a strange food day. Not bad, strange.

I woke up at around 11 and had to get ready to leave ASAP, so I didn’t have time to make a glorious breakfast as planned. The day went like this:

Breakfast/Lunch (that occurred around 1pm):

• Small light vanilla ice cream at the bus station
• Late afternoon decaf coffee

Dinner (Cooked with R):

• Garlic soup (used this recipe– seriously amazing and not devastating in a caloric way)
• Rice with broccoli, onion, sprouts, and white rice vinegar
• Simple salad with lettuce, cucumber, and strawberries. Light vinegarette dressing.

Dessert:

• Lemon Souffle

1. I should have made time to make breakfast– then I would have had something healthy to start my day, rather than ice cream.
2. I completed Day 1 of avoiding chocolate!
3. Today was an example of a big dinner that I didn’t have to feel guilty about– pretty healthy (though I could have had a bit less rice) and I hadn’t eaten too much before it. It felt good to enjoy a big meal.
4. Didn’t exercise!

 

A new start and a simply perfect avocado salad.

I’ve been doing some thinking. Recently, there was a period of a couple of months when I lived a life that I would call healthy. Sure, I screwed up from time to time, but in general, my diet was great and I was running on a regular basis. Not just running, but running and challenging myself to the extent that I made noticeable improvements. I want to go back to that period, but with a few minor adjustments (cooking meals instead of downing yogurt 3 times a day, and not obsessing to the extent that my ‘healthy lifestyle’ ruins my social life and my mental health).

It seems, though, that I keep slipping up and I’ve been thinking about why. That aforementioned period of time came when I’d just about had it with myself and my body. My whole life seemed to be falling apart, and this was one area in which I had control. I figured, if I could be thinner and healthier, the rest might just fall into place (irrationally). Now, I’m much busier and I’m making strides in other areas of my life. I don’t feel healthy, but I don’t have much time to look in the mirror and say ‘ugh.’ Basically, my health has taken a backseat to, well, everything else– work, men, friends– you name it. I’ve realized that if I want to be healthy again, it’s time to readjust my priorities.

I come from a family where we know amount of truth within the cliche– “if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.” Emotional eating isn’t healthy. Getting almost zero exercise isn’t healthy. Drinking too much isn’t healthy. Eating until I’m stuffed rather than full isn’t healthy. Skipping meals to temporarily feel better isn’t healthy. If I continue to do all of this, my weight will continue to suffer, and my cardiovascular health (which is of great concern to me) will suffer. At the end of the day, I won’t feel good about myself and I won’t feel healthy. I can’t just keep a food diary and be apologetic– I need to put my *everything* into this.

I figured that a good way to start is to go over recent accomplishments that help me feel more capable than I’ve been feeling lately.

• I haven’t had a cup of coffee in over 2 weeks. I have an extremely strong addiction (psychologically and physically) and due to anxiety problems and potential cardiovascular issues, I cut it out completely. This has already improved my quality of life and I’m really happy that I made this healthy decision.
• I’ve stopped putting myself to sleep with Tylenol PM. I used to take Tylenol PM once every couple of nights to fall asleep. When I didn’t have it, I tossed and turned *way* too much. This started almost immediately after I stopped smoking pot on a regular basis, which is how I taught myself that I needed to self-medicate to sleep. Now, I make sure that I get up on time and that my days are full. My head generally hits the pillow at a reasonable hour and I sleep soundly.
• I’ve cut down on my binge drinking. It used to be a once-a-week activity (and for years, even more than that) and I’ve realized that 1) it’s not healthy and 2) there are other things to do.

So all of that is a start. Now, it’s time to have concrete goals, and I am a firm believer that no one can do it all at once.

• I will run (or go to the gym) 3x per week.
• I am giving up chocolate. Yes, those of you that know me read that correctly– I want to give up chocolate. Not forever, but for a long enough period of time that it can cease to be my default when I’m stressed or when I just need something sweet. So many times, I walk past the corner store in need of a pick-me-up. I eye the fruit and the juices and contemplate, but something chocolate always wins me over. Like coffee, I need to remove my dependency.

That’s enough for right now. If I can make those two things habitual, my list of accomplishments will increase and I’ll be ready to make more strides.

All of that being said– food diary from 2/14:

Breakfast:

• Oatmeal (not instant!) with skim milk and cinnamon
• Decaf coffee

Mid-morning snack:

• 1/2 whole wheat pita with 1 piece of melted light cheese

Late lunch:

• 2 light corn shnitzels (basically soy and corn in a patty, 70 kcals each and pretty tasty)
• Avocado salad with 4 light, unsalted rice cakes

My friends were late for dinner:

• 3 medium-sized crackers with light, sugar-free strawberry jelly

Had dinner guests and that’s when it sort of went to hell:

• 2 glasses of white wine
• 1 modest portion (!) of pasta with sauce (sauce had eggplant, onion, garlic, oregano, and crushed tomatoes)
• um, too much cake

The cake is the only thing that I’m not proud of. It was chocolate, too.

Anyway, I mentioned the avocado salad. I love avocado and I’m always toying with different ways to make it. Today, I realized that simple is better. Avocado has an amazing natural flavor and there is no need to treat it like tomato sauce. So, my final recipe is:

Best avocado salad only has 3 ingredients!

• 3 small avocados (makes more than one serving), mashed with remaining chunks (I find that it tastes ‘richer’ if you don’t mash the avocados to death
• 1 small *red* onion, diced into incredibly small pieces
• a drizzle or two of lemon juice

And that’s it. Really, it’s perfect !

 

loss of motivation.

I am completely devoid of any motivation to be healthy. This sucks. It’s like the second things fall apart in my life (right now it’s the job), I lose all desire to live a healthful life. I feel like I’m back in college again – staying up late and eating junk food. Last night I had to pull an all-nighter at the job, so I was there snacking away unhealthily as I grumbled about how unfair it is that I was there until 3 am.

What I think it all boils down to is my inability to be completely and totally selfish. Some of my friends and acquaintances would disagree with that statement, but in actuality, if I was really selfish I’d be taking much better care of myself. I think once I decide to stop letting my health take a backseat to my job or to my friends and family, I’ll be in a much better place. I feel good when I make time to work out and cook dinner and avoid meals out, but far too often I let that take a backseat to unhealthy behavior because I don’t want to put that part of my life first. It’s absurd.

Anyway, I’m not posting my food diary today because I’m tired and cranky. I may be taking a hiatus over the weekend as I’m traveling to DC, but I’ll try my best.

 

Gotta get it together…

Today had its ups and down.  I’m really stressed out and I felt myself battling with food choices all day.  Saying no– which I only accomplished at certain points– was such a headache.  I’ve made it a goal this week to talk to someone about emotional eating; I can’t freak out like this and be unhealthy each time that life gets a little messy.

Today’s Food:

Breakfast:

• Made the mistake of skipping breakfast and just having a decaf coffee, which threw me off for the rest of the day. Note to self:  don’t do that!

10AM fuck-I-didn’t-eat-breakfast-and- I’m-hungry snack:

• Piece of whole wheat pita with 2 slices of light, cholesterol free cheese
• fat-free vanilla yogurt

Lunch:

• Got invited to a Thai restaurant for lunch and opted for the “light pad thai”, which has  a really light sauce.  Still, it was a lot of noodles and I was stuffed rather than full. Couldn’t have been a good idea.

Snack:

• Hot Vanilla at Coffee Bean.  Got a small, but I checked their website and it’s still almost 400 calories and *way* too much sugar.

Dinner:

• Roomie made pasta at 9pm and although I swore that I wasn’t going eat anything else since I’d definitely had my share for the day, I was feeling ‘needy’ and joined her.  It was pasta with tuna, olive oil, and onions.  Not terrible catastrophic, but I didn’t need it.  I had a small portion and she made fun of me for it.  Seriously need a roommate that has the desire to be healthy.

Thoughts/Goals:

• I really want to cut down on my sugar intake.  I’ve been largely successful in doing this, but something like a Hot Vanilla in the middle of the day is something that I should simply say no to.   Sugar makes me feel 1) hungry and 2) completely unhealthy.
• Never skip breakfast!!!!
• Going out to eat and eating a Roomie Dinner in one day will make me feel gross, for sure.

Exercising has been a struggle for me this week. I went running once, and I spent the rest of the week feeling too tired and sorry for myself to get my ass out there.  I need to correct this next week– I feel completely lazy.

Having friends over for dinner tonight and browsing healthy recipes…

 

stress.

I am stressed out right now and it definitely affects my eating/exercise habits. I haven’t gotten myself to the gym, which makes me feel awful since I’m clearly not going to make that goal for this week. Work has me on edge and as a result I broke my alcohol rule and I’m currently sucking down a bottle of Riesling (I’m on glass 3). On the bright side I made dinner tonight! It was plain, but it was pretty healthy, non-carb, and included something green. Ha! Progress! I need to find a way to motivate myself even when things around me aren’t going so well.

I think the first thing I need to do is make sure I have provisions. I’m headed to DC this weekend to visit my best friend and when I get back, a trip to the grocery store is in order to get all of the essentials. What the essentials are, I have yet to decide. Will report back on that.

Food Diary:

Breakfast

• a bite of a granola bar – it was stale, so I threw it out. yuck!

Lunch

• 1 chicken parm cutlet
• salad – mixed greens, walnuts, corn, feta, 1 Tbsp balsamic vinaigrette
• small serving of tiramisu

Snack

• 1 oz. Pirate’s Booty

Dinner

• 1 chicken breast, cooked with black pepper and bbq sauce
• small serving of broccoli

Alcohol

• 3/4 bottle Riesling (I’m assuming I’m going to keep drinking)

 

well at least i stayed sober today.

Food Diary

Breakfast – it starts out okay

• 4 oz Fage Greek yogurt, sweetened with splenda + one crushed-up Nature’s Valley Oats and Honey granola bar

Lunch – and here’s where we go downhill…

• 1 hamburger with ketchup
• 1 hot dog with ketchup and mustard
• 1 heaping serving of french fries
• 3 pieces of BBQ seitan

Dinner

• Half a sleeve of Town House crackers

Good Lord – I really screwed up royally today. It started out well, but then I had a friend over to my company for lunch. Basically, I work in the land of Good and Plenty – where food is EVERYWHERE. So I proceeded to scarf down a hamburger AND a hot dog, fries, and then some seitan. WTF? Basically, I eat like I grew up in a poor third world village and I don’t know where my next meal is coming from. I get so excited over my favorite junky foods that I attack them and eat everything in sight. Did I really need a hamburger and a hot dog? No. Are these things difficult to acquire in the real world? No. Are these items outside of my budget? No. So what the hell is wrong with me? I think I really need to work on remembering that I don’t have to eat everything at once. Food isn’t going anywhere. I can always make my favorite dishes later and don’t need to load up on food just because it’s there.

After that ridiculous food debacle, I was full for the rest of the night and I skipped dinner, instead opting for a half a sleeve of crackers. Classic Layla behavior.

On the bright side, I kept up my ‘no alcohol in the apartment’ ban and I took my meds. I also walked to and from work – so about 4.5 miles. I suppose that makes me feel a little bit better, but not really.

 

2/12/09 The One With The Baking Disaster

Today’s Eats started out nicely..

Breakfast:

• Cornflakes
• Chai tea with skim milk and sweet-n-low

Snack:

• Apple

Huge Freaking Disaster happened like this:

• Today was a special occasion, so I decided to bake cookies when I got home.
• Began to bake and didn’t eat any of the ingredients, only licked the spoon once. Harmless enough.
• Got a call from a boy that disturbed me.
• Ate a glob of dough and wallowed in self-pity
• Cookies finished, ate 4.  They’re huge, by the way. Huge.

After Huge Freaking Disaster, Day finished like this:

Post Disaster Snack:

• Avocado on half of a whole wheat pita

Dinner:

• tuna with light mayo
• whole wheat pita
• baked potato and margarine, no skin

Alcohol:

• 1/2 bottle of Merlot. Oops again.

Thoughts:

Today was not a success story.  I would like to be able to bake cookies without ruining my ‘healthy lifestyle’ because I got an upsetting phone call.  The real issue here, of course, is my emotional eating.  For as long as I could remember, I have either deprived myself of food or been overindulgent in order to deal with my emotions.  My first instinct when I’m upset is to eat something ‘sinful’; my instinct when I’m happy and flying high is to skip a meal and make that high last.  My major, underlying goal is to beat these horrible habits to a pulp.  I need to do some more research re: emotional eating– and how to conquer it.

I need to cut down on the wine.  I’m going to limit myself.  I have to think about what a reasonable number will be.

After the Huge Freaking Disaster, I was really tempted to give up, eat whatever, and call it a day.  I have this problem often– I make an unhealthy choice, and then feel like I’ve already ruined the day.  I had a healthy dinner, but I feel like I should have skipped the wine.  It’s completely irrational to continue to make unhealthy choices just because I’ve made one.  Now, if only I could internalize that.

In short, today was not a success story.  Hopefully, I’ll be back tomorrow with good food news and a nice, healthy recipe.

 

2/10/09

Today’s Eats:

Breakfast:

• Cornflakes and skim milk
• Decaf coffee (should probably mention that I’m a coffee addict and giving it up. I haven’t had real coffee in 10 days)

Snack:

• 220 kcal of dark chocolate (oops. I had intense chocolate cravings and I need to learn to deal with them. I managed not to eat a whole bar….)

Lunch:

• Whole Wheat crackers with tuna (light mayo) and some nasty light cheese (need to cut down on cheese– can’t resist)

*managed to avoid a snack between lunch and dinner*

Dinner:

• Rice and vegetables in a light sweet/spicy sauce

Alcohol:

• Split a bottle and a half of wine with one other person. Shit.

Thoughts:

* I quit drinking coffee because I have a condition that mimics (but isn’t) a cardiovascular issue. As a result, I am highly sensitive to caffeine and my 4-5 cup -a-day habit made my heart race and gave me headaches. My cravings are still really intense, but I find that drinking decaf has been helping a lot. The withdrawal symptoms are quieting and now I really just crave the taste.

* Alcohol: I used to be a pretty heavy drinker and I’ve really cut down over the past year. I don’t even drink on a weekly basis anymore (excluding my cup of wine with dinner, which happens a couple of times a week– but I’m talking about getting drunk here), but it seems that a bottle of wine has become standard when it comes to hanging out with most of my friends. I’m not sure if I should work this into my schedule and ‘live a little’, or if I should work harder to avoid it. I’m really wary of altering my social life because of food– I feel like it’s setting myself up for failure. Thoughts?

* Cooking really helps. Making a meal, knowing exactly what goes into it, and reaping the culinary benefits is really therapeutic for me. It’s also a fun social activity; lately I’ve been inviting friends over for meals rather than meeting them at cafes and restaurants, so we’ve been able to eat a healthier meal and save money.

Going Out To Eat:

I’m going out to eat with a friend on Thursday night. I’m not sure if I should attempt to be healthy, or if I should just go all out being that I don’t go out to eat very often. I have to do more to define my boundaries before I’m in these situations.

 

day 1.

Today was full of hits and misses. I was supposed to get up early this morning to go the gym, but of course my bed was so warm and inviting that leaving it at 6 am was not happening. To compensate, I walked 2 miles to work, lugging my laptop bag the whole way there. I ate a fairly unhealthy lunch (I just can’t resist mac and cheese – it is my weakness). However, I managed to consume only one drink at happy hour today (instead of my usual 2-3) AND I resisted the sliders and fries that the other girls got. I came home and made myself dinner and even though it was bland, it was carbless and reasonably healthy. Tomorrow I would like to make something a little bit more appetizing, though. Will scour recipes tomorrow at work.

Food Log:

Breakfast

• 1 package of Quaker Oats Cinnamon Spice oatmeal
• 3 oz of Fage Greek Yogurt, sweetened with Splenda
• Glass of water

Lunch

• 1 1/2 servings of truffle manchego mac and cheese (whoops!)
• Salad – mixed greens, walnuts, dash parmesan cheese, 1 Tbsp balsamic vinaigrette dressing
• 1 sugar cookie
• Glass of water

Dinner

• 1 chicken breast, cooked on skillet with hot pepper
• 1 small serving of steamed broccoli
• Glass of water

Alcohol

• 1 whiskey and coke

 

You can call me Tal.

I’m Tal, I’m a friend of Layla’s, and I’m also hoping that the blogosphere will help me accomplish my goals– it seems like the rest of you dieters and foodies really help each other and benefit from networking, so we’re here to join you!

I’m sick of dieting. Very sick of dieting. So, I’m not calling this a diet, per se. I want to, as they say, ‘learn to maintain a healthy lifestyle.’ My indulgences include alcohol, frequent and huge Italian meals, and too much chocolate. Funny thing is, that when I make the effort to plan my meals and to cook healthy food, I enjoy it and don’t feel like I’m lacking.

One of my major issues is my roommate, who we will refer to from now on as roommate (creative, yes), drinks and eats *huge*, unhealthy meals twice a day. She’s always trying to get me to join in, and it’s an uphill battle trying to say no and live a healthy lifestyle. Hopefully I’ll be able to explore some ways to deal with that. The other issue that I’m dealing with is plain boredom. I need to learn how to cook healthy meals rather than trying to live on yogurt and plain, grilled vegetables.

Okay, moving along– This Week’s Goals:

1. Keep a food diary and post it (accountability, people)

2. Cook one meal per day (no on-the-go, which seems to be the figurative death of me)

3. Run 4x a week (I’m training for a 10k as a part of this healthy business)

Since I’ ve been trying to eat less calories, fats, and sugar, I’ve been experimenting with different concoctions in our kitchen.

Yesterday, I went for a run and came back hungry, even though I’d eaten lunch 2 hours before. I don’t want to deprive myself after exercise, so I made a post-running snack that was as satisfying as a meal:

I used a medium sized container of fat-free yogurt, combined it with 2/3 cup of cornflakes and 3 spoonfuls of light, sugar-free strawberry jam. The whole thing was virtually fat-free, very low in calories– and really filling. I also had a huge glass of water, as I’m trying to do that 8 times a day. Not easy for me.

For dinner, I didn’t have much in the apartment to work with, so I made a super+simple healthy pasta dish (unfortunately, forgot to take a picture):

Avocado and Eggplant Pasta

1 large avocado, or 2 small

1 cup of bowtie pasta

3 large spoonfuls of tomato paste

1 small eggplant

1-4 cup of olive oil

2 garlic cloves, diced into small pieces

oregano to taste

1. Cook pasta as usual- btw, I never use salt when boiling pasta- does anyone else skip the salt?

2. While waiting for pasta to cook, put half of the olive oil in a medium sized frying pan and add the eggplant to medium heat. Stir on and off for a few minutes before adding the garlic. Stir until the garlic is cooked (not brown) and eggplant is browning (but not burnt!).

3. Turn heat down to low, add tomato paste and avocado to the frying pan.

4. Add oregano, stir for 1-2 minutes.

5. Add the rest of the olive oil to the drained pasta, stir, and mix in the sauce with the veggies.

The final product is a really tasty pasta dish with a very light sauce! The key here in terms of flavor is the oregano– don’t skimp!

Back soon, hopefully with some good healthy lifestyle news!

 

goals: week 1

So, I’m going to take this thing week-by-week because I always end up making these lofty, long-term goals that I cannot seem to fulfill. To make this easier, I’m just going to take it one day at a time because I know myself and I fall off the wagon frequently.
Week 1 goals:

• Keep a log of all the food that I eat each day (post it each day – public shaming is necessary!)
• Make it to the gym 5 times this week (no rules about what/how long I do it – just have to go)
• Eat at least 3 servings of veggies/fruit per day
• Remember to take my blood thinners daily (I’ve been skipping doses lately, which is bad)
• Cook dinner twice this week (post recipes with pictures)
• Refrain from drinking in my apartment – save it for weekends/dates

 

miss layla here…

First entry! Yay! Can you sense the sarcasm? I’m Layla and I’m clearly not the most enthusiastic person when it comes to dieting/exercise/weight loss. However, Tal and I have decided to start this blog to share our goals, successes, and struggles around this topic. As a starting point, I’m hoping this venture will give me a healthier lifestyle and a banging body. As much as I’d love to share my height and weight and all of that, I think I would be mortified if those numbers were out there on the interwebs, so I’ll keep that to myself. Basic profile: 23 years old, African-American female, tall (which is awesome, because weight gain shows up a little slower on us tall folk), and in desperate need of losing a few pounds. I’m not an advocate for the scary-skinny, stick-thin look. I have breasts and an ass and I want to keep them. Just hoping to lose the stomach and thighs.

I used to be really physically active as a teen, but once my schoolwork got to be the focus of my life, I quit sports and became a couch potato. Back in the day, I swam, played field hockey, lacrosse, and volleyball, and now it’s a struggle just to go to the gym. My main problem is lack of motivation. Once I get to the gym, I can usually work out for hours if I’m not tired. Getting there, however, is a the hard part. So my first goal is to start hitting the gym at least 5 times a week.

On the food front, I’m absolutely horrible. I love red meat and macaroni and cheese and anything sugary-sweet (well, except chocolate. I hate chocolate, oddly enough.). When I was working out regularly I could eat whatever I wanted and still lose weight. I spent a summer in WA working out two hours a day and I lost about 20 pounds. This happened in spite of a Starbucks coffee addiction, frequent trips to Wendy’s, and a love of pizza. Basically, I was burning so many calories that it didn’t matter. I also kept away from carbs after lunch and didn’t snack at all. Now I work at a company where food is everywhere – I can’t escape it and I snack all the time. I skip meals and I eat whatever I feel like – which usually means protein and carbs. I tend to skip veggies, which is bad and I know it’s bad. I really need to start a healthier pattern of eating because I seriously have issues.

Also – I have one major vice. It’s the great love of my life and I don’t know how I’m going to give it up. Liquor. I love liquor. Alcohol is my drug of choice and living in Manhattan has not made it easy to quit. There’s always a new bar to go to, happy hour with the work girls, dates over dinner and drinks. I love creating new cocktails in my apartment, and I consume more liquor in a week than anybody should. I need to hop on the teetotaler bandwagon and quit because I cannot afford all of these empty calories.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention – I had a blood clot in my lung about a year ago and I’m on blood thinners. Ha! So I’m unhealthy in every sense of the word and all kinds of fucked up. On the plus side, there is nothing like having a near-death experience to make you want to shape up. Of course, it took me a year to have this realization, but better late than never – right?

I’ll be posting my goals in all of these areas in the next couple of days, along with a healthy dose of snark and sarcasm. Wish me luck!