March 2009


Right now I’m in California (San Francisco to be exact) on a business trip. I lived here for 9 months and it’s been so strange to be back, since there are so many memories I have of this place. Since I’ve been back in town, I’ve hung out with my old roommate a fair amount and it’s been really inspiring to see how she’s turned her life around and it makes me want to do the same. She’s running in 5ks and marathons and raising money for various charities. She’s started working out and really focusing on improving her body and her health and that is inspiring to me. I really would like to live a healthier lifestyle and really focus on making my body the best that it can be.

I struggle so much with biting off more than I can chew and coming up with all of these lofty goals that never seem to pan out. I’m sick of it. I really want to have a new attitude about this whole diet, exercise, and life improvement plan. I don’t want to be complacent with where I am in my life. Health is one of those things that I’ve never taken seriously and considering all of the things that have happened to me in the past year *coughbloodclotcough* I really need to focus on keeping my body clean and healthy.

I want to use this blog to document all of that. I think that when I first started writing here, I was a little unsure of my purpose and not really thinking about what I need from this writing endeavor. Now that I have a better idea, I’m ready to start writing seriously and putting everything out there and focusing on finding a community and documenting my journey. I need clear, quantifiable goals and then I need to be serious about doing what I need to do to achieve them.

More to come…

I decided to take a step in the right direction– I joined a gym and my membership begins on Sunday morning (the first day of the week here in Israel).  I’m back at home and dogsitting is over.

Starting next week, I’ll post about life in general, my workouts– and all of the yummy food that I eat– complete with pictures.

I’m really, really determined.

So, I’ve been gone from the blogging scene as well, for many different reasons. Life is just too hectic for me right now and it’s sad because I started out so well last week. I went to the gym 3x and worked out, I walked to work for a few days, and I cooked meals in my apartment – really good meals. Then work got busy and life got busy and *poof* out the window. Most of it had to do with a really bad day I had last week.

I’ve always tended towards having a mood disorder. It’s nothing diagnosed or anything and I’m not on medication, but my moods are wacky. They are affected by so many things – my jobs, my friends, boys. Any small setback can take me from happy and smiling to feeling frustrated and depressed. When I was in middle school, I spent most of my time in a haze of teenage angst – writing angry poetry, cursing my parents, and occasionally cutting. I don’t know if I’ve ever spoken about that part of my life – it didn’t seem serious at the time and to me it still doesn’t, but I know that it was a personal low. I’ve never EVER done anything like that since then, but I have had my mood swings. My freshman year of college, I spent most of it sleeping because I was depressed and it was hard to get acclimated. Sophomore year, all of my activities depressed me in the same way and I felt awful 99% of the time – lots of tears and crying. When I get like that, I neglect my health, which is exactly what happened last week. I got upset about work, came home, drank several glasses of wine, and cried my eyes out. It was awful. Couple that with a new man in my life and trouble with my friends and it was a recipe for disaster. I drank, stopped going to the gym, and just sat around wallowing. So not cute.

I’m hoping to really stick this out and be serious about getting healthy and feeling better about myself. It’s just a process. In the words of Talib Kweli – “Life is a beautiful struggle.” I’m going to try my darndest to end up on top.

As you can see, I took a break from blogging about food. I also took a break from reading food blogs and generally obsessing over food.  The results were mixed.

I’ve been writing about how I’m stressed and that eating in a healthy way has been a struggle.  I realized that, over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been putting *a lot* of time and energy into focusing on food, to the point where I was obsessing over my failures and my accomplishments– and essentially, food was defining my day. Good days were when I ate a variety of healthy foods, bad days were when I ate unhealthy foods or ate when I wasn’t hungry because I was stressed.   I freaked out after my last post because I realized that while trying to be healthy,  food and my perceptions of how I eat were taking over my life.  Literally.

So then I thought about the food bloggers and whether or not this was a community that I could join for support.  I came the conclusion that I want to give it a try, because it seems to be so positive for other people.  I’m going to try and start talking about some other things in posts too, in addition to what and how I eat, to remind myself that I’m a dynamic person and not just the sum of what I eat.

As for food over the past few days, I had a couple of very healthy days and some really, really good meals.  I also binged once and felt like absolute shit afterwards.  Last night was also a disaster.  But that’s okay.  I’ll be back with normal posts tomorrow, and I’m going to get back on  track.

FYI- contests galore!  Check out Oh She Glows’ contest for a chance to win Jillian Michaels 30-Day Shred Workout DVD — open to anyone, anywhere in the world, so that includes ex-pats like me 😉 Also check out Chocolate Covered Katie’s Jocolat Larabar giveway, also open to people outside of the States.  Not finished yet! Check out Strawberry Shortstuff’s next Simply Bar giveaway— they look amazing.  Finally, just started reading a new blog and she’s already having a contest (!)– check out Krista’s Kravings yummy giveaway….