chocolate


Not in water, so no worries.
Food is a struggle– some things to celebrate, some things to freak out about.

Tuesday’s Eats:

Breakfast:

  • 2 eggs, sunny-side up, with garlic, crushed tomatoes, and pepper:

img_5426Very, Very tasty!

  • fat-free yogurt with a tsp of lemon juice

Lunch:

  • Best Quick Oats combo that I’ve had in a while:

img_5438I took an apple from work and walked home (well, to the housesitting gig) to make Quick Oats with apple, cinnamon, 1 tbsp of peanut butter, skim milk, and sweet-n-low.  AMAZING.

Unnecessary Snack:

  • Right– so this is the point in the day during which I ate a 400 calorie cinnamon bun.  Why?  Because a co-worker literally put it in my face right after I’d gotten into a screaming match (yes, screaming match) with my boss.  So upset that I did this *again*!

Dinner:

  • Chickpea and tuna salad with zatar and 2 tbsp of hummus:

img_5441Also very tasty!

  • Soy patty with garlic and olive oil

After Dinner:

  • Decaf coffee with a tsp of cocoa powder and skim milk– inspired by Eating Bender‘s coffee cocoa.  Very, very good– but I don’t really need to put cocoa in my coffee.  It feels excessive while I’m battling an addiction to sweets and avoiding chocolate.
  • 200 calories worth of toffee that my roommate left laying on the table.  Ugh.
  1. The good parts of today were the fact that I had a *lot* of water and have been keeping up with that goal meticulously, the fact that I’m still coffee free, and the fact that I made tasty meals that were satisfying three times.  Nothing on the go, nothing mediocre.
  2. It would have been a perfect day if I hadn’t had the toffee and the cinnamon bun.  Your suggestions have been on the mark, and despite the fact that I am *extremely* stressed right now, I need to put them in action.  Today I’m going to  try doing something else when I’m stressed, and making room for *small* portions of sweets to see if that will curb the craving.

Really want to blog about everything that is stressing me out, but I have to get going.  More later.

Today was typical of an office environment;  a co-worker came back from three weeks in Canada and we were all ecstatic to see her.  In Israel, ecstatic= food.  She brough back a ton of maple candy and cookies, and everyone sat around to hear about the family wedding that she’d just a ttented and to eat.  I had already eaten lunch and *was not* hungry, so I told myself to drink my water, concentrate on the conversation, and just stay away.  After sitting there for an hour, I literally couldn’t take it anymore. I had no self-control.  I have a few pieces of maple candy and a bunch of cookies– something to the tune of 6.  If i had just had one or two, I wouldn’t be dwelling– but I completely binged.  I want to understand why, and I need to come up with ways of avoiding this!  If the only way for me to avoid eating crap that my body doesn’t want OR need is to stay locked in my apartment, that doesn’t really help me much.

Rest of the day was fine, though none of the food was terribly exciting:

Breakfast:

  • Quick Oats with Sweet-N-Low, two tbsp of peanut butter, and a splash of skim milk.
  • Decaf coffee with skim

Lunch:

  • Tuna with light mayo and tomato– on a roll– but it was white bread and kind of big.  It was what we had around the office and I didn’t want to go buy a whole wheat one– but I should have.

After Lunch Binge:

  • See above

Dinner:

  • Burrito with rice, an egg, sweet garlic sauce, and onion.  It was  just me throwing together snacks, but it was really tasty.  I had to force myself to eat dinner because I was tempted to skip a meal since I’d binged on cookies… I guess that it’s good that I didn’t.
  1. I’m really at a loss when it comes to understanding WHY I binged.  I couldn’t resist the temptation, it was a social situation?  Really don’t know.
  2. I am really sick of housesitting and want to go home to the collection of healthy food that I’ve built up over the past month.  I just brough some *scraps* here and my meals are getting dull, which is not encouraging me to do things like avoid binges.  Less than a week left, though.
  3. Didn’t drink enough water today!  Gotta fix that.
  4. Chocolate and coffee are still out of the picture!
  5. Adding a bit of peanut butter for a protein burst seems to be good.  It really helped with breakfast.  I need to find a lower-calorie peanut butter, though (that tastes good).  Probably difficult to find in Israel, which is annoying!

Really hoping to make today a much, much better day.  We’ll see.

Hope everyone has a good one–!

Got into a draining argument with the boy (not boyfriend– we have issues, which is a whole different story for a different blog) and was feeling sorry for myself all day.  That and the rainy weather (which I absolutely love, but still…) made me really sluggish.  Didn’t do much that didn’t require a lot of sitting, aside from walking  this cutie– the dog that I’m dogsitting right now:

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Anyway, on to today’s food:

Brunch (woke up too late for breakfast):

  • Quick Oats with skim milk, Splenda, and cinnamon– simple, but good.

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  • 2 eggs with onions and spoonful of matbucha— good! And finally eating some protein:

img_54001

  • Small salad– which was really just a few lettuce leaves with light vinegarette

Snack:

  • Bowl of Cheerios
  • Decaf coffee with skim

Dinner:

  • R and I made this delicious Garlic Soup— great recipe, recommend using 2 cups of stock rather than 1.5:

img_5401

  • Salad– lettuce, tomato, cucumber, fennel (recent obsession of mine), and light vinegarette
  • Sweet potato with margarine– always, always, always yummy:

img_5409

  • Israeli couscous– another recent obsession of mine– with a few spoonfuls of tomato paste, garlic, zucchini, onion, and a few sprinkles of all spice:

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I really enjoyed this dinner.  A lot.  Felt satisfied again, not completely stuffed.

I felt like I ate well today in the sense that I had two meals that were tasty and healthy.  I didn’t eat anything on-the-go (probably because I was a complete blob all day and didn’t really go anywhere!) and it’s just a simple fact that I really enjoy my food a lot more when I put some effort into it.

I’m still housesitting for another week, but I’m going to make a real effort to not slack when it comes to cooking and healthy (not dull) eating.

Over 3 weeks and I’m still coffee free! Pretty soon, I’ll have gone a week without chocolate, also.

Today’s biggest accomplishment, by far, was not eating something unhealthy or unnecessary just because I was stressed and upset about the previously mentioned boy.

On to my exercise problems– I’m supposed to run a 10k in 1 month and a half and I am so exhausted lately and slacking in the running department.  I need to run that race 😦

2/15 was a strange day in terms of food.  I do weird things when I feel like I’m losing control.

Breakfast:

  • 3 cookies and a lemon bar– the baked goods that I brought in for co-workers.

Lunch:

  • Went out to lunch with people from the office and it was a disaster: chicken breast with tomato and olive oil
  • Small green salad with olive oil and pepper

Before dinner snack/meal?:

  • Was really stressed out when I got home and thus, ravenously hungry– 1 small bowl of cereal with skim milk
  • 1/2 whole wheat pita with light strawberry jelly

Dinner:

  • Part 1:  5 heaping spoonfuls of Roomie’s pasta with whoknowswhat in it
  • Part 2: tiny portion of what should have been my entire dinner– rice with olive oil, avocado, cucumber, tomato, and some spices
  1. I’m really proud of the fact that I found the healthiest thing on the menu and was totally fine eating plain chicken breast with tomatoes while everyone else was eating decadent pasta dishes.  Definitely an accomplishment.
  2. My meal/snack before dinner is something that I want to be able to avoid.  I was completely stress eating and even though I didn’t eat anything really unhealthy, it was extra food that my body didn’t really need.  I need to work on this.
  3. I got home and felt stressed/rushed and ate 5 heaping spoonfuls of Roomie’s pasta surprise with every unhealthy thing in the book.  More stress eating, which was extra-unhealthy because it caused me to feel guilty.  The guilt made me skimp on the delicious, healthy dinner that I prepared with a friend.  I had a tiny serving, didn’t feel satisfied.  I need to stop ‘punishing’ myself for mistakes by skimping on healthy food.
  4. This was Day 3 of NO chocolate.  Excellent.
  5. My disgusting ‘breakfast’ was the result of me skipping breakfast at home, AGAIN.

2/16:  A Better Day

Breakfast:

  • B-fast burrito with an egg and some rice.  Sounds gross, really good.

Lunch

  • Big salad with sweet potato and tuna; light vinegarette dressing.  VERY tasty, and not so expensive.
  • 1/2 of a whole wheat roll

Dinner

  • 1 whole wheat pita with two pieces of light, cholesterol free cheese– a little bit of tomato.
  • 1 light soy chocolate milk (addendum to my chocolate law, see below)
  1. I ate a lot of healthy food today and felt satisfied.  I managed to skip stress eating, even though today was stressful.
  2. light chocolate soy milk…. has no added sugar and contains *fake* chocolate.  I decided to allow myself to have this from time to time since it’s 1) tasty 2) healthy– no added sugar and very low calorie and 3) doesn’t contain real chocolate…

fd-0251

Sorry for the crappy cell photo.  My camera needs to be charged.  Anyway, you get the idea!

Still not getting enough exercise. I *will* run tomorrow!


First thing is first– time to celebrate day 2 of no chocolate. Definitely had some cravings, but my coffee withdrawal was worse.

Today’s food:

Breakfast:

  • Bowl of Cheerios with skim milk
  • Fat-free yogurt

Lunch:

  • Small salad, leftover from last night (lettuce, cucumber, strawberries, light vinegarette)
  • Yam, Zucchini, Chickpea salad (followed the recipe exactly, except I didn’t use any salt– I never cook with salt) on 1.5 whole wheat pitas

Dinner:

  • Leftover Yam, Zucchini, Chickpea salad on 1/2 of a whole wheat pita
  • Tiny scoop of rice with leftover garlic soup from yesterday

Adventures in Baking:

  • 1 Lemon Bar (great recipe, really simple)
  • 1 Cookie (see photo and recipe below)
  • Did *not* snack on dough, etc. while baking!
  1. Today was just fine in terms of food. Perhaps I didn’t need a cookie and lemon bar, but I’ll live. As far as baking goes, this is the most successful that I’ve probably ever been in terms of avoiding a food disaster. We baked right after lunch so that we weren’t hungry, and then I drank some decaf coffee while we were baking to keep my mouth busy. I’m bringing the baked goods to a friend and into work tomorrow– people really enjoy baked goods and I really want to be able to bake on a consistent basis without it ruining my healthy endeavors. Today wasn’t bad at all!
  2. I was a little lame today with the leftovers, though I suppose that it wasn’t unhealthy. Just boring…

These cookies are by no means healthy, but they’re only about 100 calories a piece. My advice? Eat 1 and give the rest to special people.

Cherry Shortbread Cookies

fd-016

  • 1 cup butter, softened
  • 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
  • 1/4 cup cherries
  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
  2. Combine butter, flour, and confectioners’ sugar. Beat butter by itself for about 5 minutes, an then add flour and sugar until light and fluffy. Spoon onto cookie sheets, spacing cookies 2 inches apart. Put a cherry in the middle of each cookie.
  3. Bake for 15 to 17 minutes in the preheated oven, or until the bottoms of the cookies are lightly browned.
  4. Remove from oven, and let cool on cookie sheet for 5 minutes, then transfer cookies to wire rack to cool.
  5. If desired, sprinkle confectioner’s sugar over the cookies once cool.

So after recording my series of minor epiphanies, I had a strange food day. Not bad, strange.

I woke up at around 11 and had to get ready to leave ASAP, so I didn’t have time to make a glorious breakfast as planned. The day went like this:

Breakfast/Lunch (that occurred around 1pm):

  • Small light vanilla ice cream at the bus station
  • Late afternoon decaf coffee

Dinner (Cooked with R):

  • Garlic soup (used this recipe– seriously amazing and not devastating in a caloric way)
  • Rice with broccoli, onion, sprouts, and white rice vinegar
  • Simple salad with lettuce, cucumber, and strawberries. Light vinegarette dressing.

Dessert:

  • Lemon Souffle
  1. I should have made time to make breakfast– then I would have had something healthy to start my day, rather than ice cream.
  2. I completed Day 1 of avoiding chocolate!
  3. Today was an example of a big dinner that I didn’t have to feel guilty about– pretty healthy (though I could have had a bit less rice) and I hadn’t eaten too much before it. It felt good to enjoy a big meal.
  4. Didn’t exercise!

I’ve been doing some thinking. Recently, there was a period of a couple of months when I lived a life that I would call healthy. Sure, I screwed up from time to time, but in general, my diet was great and I was running on a regular basis. Not just running, but running and challenging myself to the extent that I made noticeable improvements. I want to go back to that period, but with a few minor adjustments (cooking meals instead of downing yogurt 3 times a day, and not obsessing to the extent that my ‘healthy lifestyle’ ruins my social life and my mental health).

It seems, though, that I keep slipping up and I’ve been thinking about why. That aforementioned period of time came when I’d just about had it with myself and my body. My whole life seemed to be falling apart, and this was one area in which I had control. I figured, if I could be thinner and healthier, the rest might just fall into place (irrationally). Now, I’m much busier and I’m making strides in other areas of my life. I don’t feel healthy, but I don’t have much time to look in the mirror and say ‘ugh.’ Basically, my health has taken a backseat to, well, everything else– work, men, friends– you name it. I’ve realized that if I want to be healthy again, it’s time to readjust my priorities.

I come from a family where we know amount of truth within the cliche– “if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.” Emotional eating isn’t healthy. Getting almost zero exercise isn’t healthy. Drinking too much isn’t healthy. Eating until I’m stuffed rather than full isn’t healthy. Skipping meals to temporarily feel better isn’t healthy. If I continue to do all of this, my weight will continue to suffer, and my cardiovascular health (which is of great concern to me) will suffer. At the end of the day, I won’t feel good about myself and I won’t feel healthy. I can’t just keep a food diary and be apologetic– I need to put my *everything* into this.

I figured that a good way to start is to go over recent accomplishments that help me feel more capable than I’ve been feeling lately.

  • I haven’t had a cup of coffee in over 2 weeks. I have an extremely strong addiction (psychologically and physically) and due to anxiety problems and potential cardiovascular issues, I cut it out completely. This has already improved my quality of life and I’m really happy that I made this healthy decision.
  • I’ve stopped putting myself to sleep with Tylenol PM. I used to take Tylenol PM once every couple of nights to fall asleep. When I didn’t have it, I tossed and turned *way* too much. This started almost immediately after I stopped smoking pot on a regular basis, which is how I taught myself that I needed to self-medicate to sleep. Now, I make sure that I get up on time and that my days are full. My head generally hits the pillow at a reasonable hour and I sleep soundly.
  • I’ve cut down on my binge drinking. It used to be a once-a-week activity (and for years, even more than that) and I’ve realized that 1) it’s not healthy and 2) there are other things to do.

So all of that is a start. Now, it’s time to have concrete goals, and I am a firm believer that no one can do it all at once.

  • I will run (or go to the gym) 3x per week.
  • I am giving up chocolate. Yes, those of you that know me read that correctly– I want to give up chocolate. Not forever, but for a long enough period of time that it can cease to be my default when I’m stressed or when I just need something sweet. So many times, I walk past the corner store in need of a pick-me-up. I eye the fruit and the juices and contemplate, but something chocolate always wins me over. Like coffee, I need to remove my dependency.

That’s enough for right now. If I can make those two things habitual, my list of accomplishments will increase and I’ll be ready to make more strides.

All of that being said– food diary from 2/14:

Breakfast:

  • Oatmeal (not instant!) with skim milk and cinnamon
  • Decaf coffee

Mid-morning snack:

  • 1/2 whole wheat pita with 1 piece of melted light cheese

Late lunch:

  • 2 light corn shnitzels (basically soy and corn in a patty, 70 kcals each and pretty tasty)
  • Avocado salad with 4 light, unsalted rice cakes

My friends were late for dinner:

  • 3 medium-sized crackers with light, sugar-free strawberry jelly

Had dinner guests and that’s when it sort of went to hell:

  • 2 glasses of white wine
  • 1 modest portion (!) of pasta with sauce (sauce had eggplant, onion, garlic, oregano, and crushed tomatoes)
  • um, too much cake

The cake is the only thing that I’m not proud of. It was chocolate, too.

Anyway, I mentioned the avocado salad. I love avocado and I’m always toying with different ways to make it. Today, I realized that simple is better. Avocado has an amazing natural flavor and there is no need to treat it like tomato sauce. So, my final recipe is:

Best avocado salad only has 3 ingredients!

Best avocado salad only has 3 ingredients!

  • 3 small avocados (makes more than one serving), mashed with remaining chunks (I find that it tastes ‘richer’ if you don’t mash the avocados to death
  • 1 small *red* onion, diced into incredibly small pieces
  • a drizzle or two of lemon juice

And that’s it. Really, it’s perfect !

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