Today’s Food:

Breakfast (on-the-go):


  • Hot vanilla at Coffee Bean– sugar-free and with skim
  • Croissant 




  • Omelette with 2 egg and matbucha (<— try this!!!)
  • 1 fat free yougurt


Before dinner Drinking:


  • 2.5 glasses of merlot




  • Had dinner reservations with Rachel!
  • 3/4 of a roll (MAN I love bread! ugh!)
  • 1 glass of wine
  • small green salad
  • Chicken breast with mustard sauce!




It was *very* yummy, and it was definitely the healthiest looking option on the menu.



  • Despite our hearty meal, we couldn’t resist– so we shared a creme brulee– very good.  We were at a kosher meat restaurant, which means that the dessert had no dairy products, so I’m not quite sure how they made it.  Anyway, sharing a dessert was a good move, because I’m sure that I would have devoured it on my own..


img_5385^ Creme Brulee that we shared

  1. 2/19 started out as a beautiful day; I’d had a great night the night before — with a certain someone, even if we’re completely dysfunctional and don’t know what we want– and I left his place in the morning, you know, sort of bouncing– totally ready for the day.  I think that it helped me make relatively healthy choices through lunch.  My mood SERIOUSLY affects what I eat.
  2. The croissant wasn’t the healthiest choice, but it wasn’t  too big and it didn’t have anything in it.  Still, just empty carbs and calories and I didn’t feel satisfied after eating it.  I’m going to make more of an effort to pack breakfast when I’m on-the-go.  Still, I need some suggestions for breakfasts on-the-go, because sometimes it’s inevitable… anyone?
  3. Eating out went well, I think.  The only thing that I wish I’d skipped was the 3/4 of a roll.  Very unnecessary, and it was white bread, too.  The problem was that it was out there before the food and I was *so hungry*.  Anyone have an strategies for avoiding before meal bread at restaurants?  I ended up eating the whole main course and not taking any home, but honestly– I wasn’t stuffed. I was full. And satisfied.
  4. Drank 3.5 glasses of wine, which is a lot, but if I only do that when I go to nice restaurants, I’ll allow myself the indulgence.  Same goes for splitting a dessert.

All in all, I feel good about today.  Eating a decadent meal at a restaurant didn’t make me feel guilty, mostly because it’s such an infrequent thing.

I came home to my laptop charger having been fried! I have to replace it, but I don’t know how or when, so bear with me if my posts are less frequent.  Probably not, though– I always find a way.  Anyway, stressed about this.  My computer is my right hand!

I’m thinking about what I need to do about my lactose intolerance.  Stop eating dairy, or lactaid pills.  Leaning towards the lactaid

Cheers to all 🙂


When I think about my desire to learn to live a healthier lifestyle and what sorts of things make that difficult, my friends come to mind.

Layla and I– in starting this blog– have developed a mutual trust. We, in addition to a couple of my close friends, can be supportive and keep our own emotions and struggles out of the picture when we’re talking about the others’ issues with food and exercise. Other than that, though, my friends are often my worst enemy when it comes to food.

First, there are the friends that don’t take this whole journey seriously. I get up the nerve to tell them that I’m trying to be healthy and that hey, I’d rather not go out to eat every time we hang out and that I’d prefer to use whole wheat pasta when we cook together– and then they pressure me to do otherwise. Why can’t these people be supportive? I definitely respect their choices to eat as they please and to not pay so much attention to health (I think that it’s a shame, but I don’t try and change their minds), so why can’t they respect my goals? I have to take responsibility for my own actions, I know that. Still, it would be so much easier to avoid *food disasters* if my friends were encouraging. I have enough issues with self-control and having friends that essentially want me to lose this battle with myself– well, it sucks.

Then, there are my friends that are also either dieting or trying to be healthier. You would think that we would be a support network for one another, and like I said, with a few close friends, that’s true. Still, I have several friends that just don’t feel like we’re ‘in it together.’ These friends resent it when I’m making healthy choices and they aren’t; this results in them pressuring me to ‘cave in.’ One of the stories that really, really sticks out in my mind is something that happened several months ago. I was completely healthy and ate well all day, and then went out for a night with a few girlfriends. We ended up drinking a lot and I told myself that I would *not* eat a second dinner (pizza, etc.), which is a habit that I picked up back in college when I drank wayyy too much. My friends inevitably ended up at the pizza place and I waited quietly, without ordering. My ‘friend’, also a health conscious person, literally waved her pizza in my face and said ‘you know you want to order some! just do it!’ It was so obvious to me that she just wanted me to join in her indulgence, and to this day, I *still* resent her for being so selfish. It was difficult enough to be pretty tipsy and to make a healthy choice (after having made an unhealthy one), and she didn’t care. She just wanted to ‘go down’ together.

I doubt that I’ll change these people, but I need to learn how to deal with them. Who can I ask for support from, and how? Ugh.

Today’s Eats started out nicely..


  • Cornflakes
  • Chai tea with skim milk and sweet-n-low


  • Apple

Huge Freaking Disaster happened like this:

  • Today was a special occasion, so I decided to bake cookies when I got home.
  • Began to bake and didn’t eat any of the ingredients, only licked the spoon once. Harmless enough.
  • Got a call from a boy that disturbed me.
  • Ate a glob of dough and wallowed in self-pity
  • Cookies finished, ate 4.  They’re huge, by the way. Huge.

After Huge Freaking Disaster, Day finished like this:

Post Disaster Snack:

  • Avocado on half of a whole wheat pita


  • tuna with light mayo
  • whole wheat pita
  • baked potato and margarine, no skin


  • 1/2 bottle of Merlot. Oops again.


Today was not a success story.  I would like to be able to bake cookies without ruining my ‘healthy lifestyle’ because I got an upsetting phone call.  The real issue here, of course, is my emotional eating.  For as long as I could remember, I have either deprived myself of food or been overindulgent in order to deal with my emotions.  My first instinct when I’m upset is to eat something ‘sinful’; my instinct when I’m happy and flying high is to skip a meal and make that high last.  My major, underlying goal is to beat these horrible habits to a pulp.  I need to do some more research re: emotional eating– and how to conquer it.

I need to cut down on the wine.  I’m going to limit myself.  I have to think about what a reasonable number will be.

After the Huge Freaking Disaster, I was really tempted to give up, eat whatever, and call it a day.  I have this problem often– I make an unhealthy choice, and then feel like I’ve already ruined the day.  I had a healthy dinner, but I feel like I should have skipped the wine.  It’s completely irrational to continue to make unhealthy choices just because I’ve made one.  Now, if only I could internalize that.

In short, today was not a success story.  Hopefully, I’ll be back tomorrow with good food news and a nice, healthy recipe.

Today’s Eats:


  • Cornflakes and skim milk
  • Decaf coffee (should probably mention that I’m a coffee addict and giving it up. I haven’t had real coffee in 10 days)


  • 220 kcal of dark chocolate (oops. I had intense chocolate cravings and I need to learn to deal with them. I managed not to eat a whole bar….)


  • Whole Wheat crackers with tuna (light mayo) and some nasty light cheese (need to cut down on cheese– can’t resist)

*managed to avoid a snack between lunch and dinner*


  • Rice and vegetables in a light sweet/spicy sauce


  • Split a bottle and a half of wine with one other person. Shit.


* I quit drinking coffee because I have a condition that mimics (but isn’t) a cardiovascular issue. As a result, I am highly sensitive to caffeine and my 4-5 cup -a-day habit made my heart race and gave me headaches. My cravings are still really intense, but I find that drinking decaf has been helping a lot. The withdrawal symptoms are quieting and now I really just crave the taste.

* Alcohol: I used to be a pretty heavy drinker and I’ve really cut down over the past year. I don’t even drink on a weekly basis anymore (excluding my cup of wine with dinner, which happens a couple of times a week– but I’m talking about getting drunk here), but it seems that a bottle of wine has become standard when it comes to hanging out with most of my friends. I’m not sure if I should work this into my schedule and ‘live a little’, or if I should work harder to avoid it. I’m really wary of altering my social life because of food– I feel like it’s setting myself up for failure. Thoughts?

* Cooking really helps. Making a meal, knowing exactly what goes into it, and reaping the culinary benefits is really therapeutic for me. It’s also a fun social activity; lately I’ve been inviting friends over for meals rather than meeting them at cafes and restaurants, so we’ve been able to eat a healthier meal and save money.

Going Out To Eat:

I’m going out to eat with a friend on Thursday night. I’m not sure if I should attempt to be healthy, or if I should just go all out being that I don’t go out to eat very often. I have to do more to define my boundaries before I’m in these situations.

Today was full of hits and misses. I was supposed to get up early this morning to go the gym, but of course my bed was so warm and inviting that leaving it at 6 am was not happening. To compensate, I walked 2 miles to work, lugging my laptop bag the whole way there. I ate a fairly unhealthy lunch (I just can’t resist mac and cheese – it is my weakness). However, I managed to consume only one drink at happy hour today (instead of my usual 2-3) AND I resisted the sliders and fries that the other girls got. I came home and made myself dinner and even though it was bland, it was carbless and reasonably healthy. Tomorrow I would like to make something a little bit more appetizing, though. Will scour recipes tomorrow at work.

Food Log:


  • 1 package of Quaker Oats Cinnamon Spice oatmeal
  • 3 oz of Fage Greek Yogurt, sweetened with Splenda
  • Glass of water


  • 1 1/2 servings of truffle manchego mac and cheese (whoops!)
  • Salad – mixed greens, walnuts, dash parmesan cheese, 1 Tbsp balsamic vinaigrette dressing
  • 1 sugar cookie
  • Glass of water


  • 1 chicken breast, cooked on skillet with hot pepper
  • 1 small serving of steamed broccoli
  • Glass of water


  • 1 whiskey and coke