goals


Right now I’m in California (San Francisco to be exact) on a business trip. I lived here for 9 months and it’s been so strange to be back, since there are so many memories I have of this place. Since I’ve been back in town, I’ve hung out with my old roommate a fair amount and it’s been really inspiring to see how she’s turned her life around and it makes me want to do the same. She’s running in 5ks and marathons and raising money for various charities. She’s started working out and really focusing on improving her body and her health and that is inspiring to me. I really would like to live a healthier lifestyle and really focus on making my body the best that it can be.

I struggle so much with biting off more than I can chew and coming up with all of these lofty goals that never seem to pan out. I’m sick of it. I really want to have a new attitude about this whole diet, exercise, and life improvement plan. I don’t want to be complacent with where I am in my life. Health is one of those things that I’ve never taken seriously and considering all of the things that have happened to me in the past year *coughbloodclotcough* I really need to focus on keeping my body clean and healthy.

I want to use this blog to document all of that. I think that when I first started writing here, I was a little unsure of my purpose and not really thinking about what I need from this writing endeavor. Now that I have a better idea, I’m ready to start writing seriously and putting everything out there and focusing on finding a community and documenting my journey. I need clear, quantifiable goals and then I need to be serious about doing what I need to do to achieve them.

More to come…

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I decided to take a step in the right direction– I joined a gym and my membership begins on Sunday morning (the first day of the week here in Israel).  I’m back at home and dogsitting is over.

Starting next week, I’ll post about life in general, my workouts– and all of the yummy food that I eat– complete with pictures.

I’m really, really determined.

Not in water, so no worries.
Food is a struggle– some things to celebrate, some things to freak out about.

Tuesday’s Eats:

Breakfast:

  • 2 eggs, sunny-side up, with garlic, crushed tomatoes, and pepper:

img_5426Very, Very tasty!

  • fat-free yogurt with a tsp of lemon juice

Lunch:

  • Best Quick Oats combo that I’ve had in a while:

img_5438I took an apple from work and walked home (well, to the housesitting gig) to make Quick Oats with apple, cinnamon, 1 tbsp of peanut butter, skim milk, and sweet-n-low.  AMAZING.

Unnecessary Snack:

  • Right– so this is the point in the day during which I ate a 400 calorie cinnamon bun.  Why?  Because a co-worker literally put it in my face right after I’d gotten into a screaming match (yes, screaming match) with my boss.  So upset that I did this *again*!

Dinner:

  • Chickpea and tuna salad with zatar and 2 tbsp of hummus:

img_5441Also very tasty!

  • Soy patty with garlic and olive oil

After Dinner:

  • Decaf coffee with a tsp of cocoa powder and skim milk– inspired by Eating Bender‘s coffee cocoa.  Very, very good– but I don’t really need to put cocoa in my coffee.  It feels excessive while I’m battling an addiction to sweets and avoiding chocolate.
  • 200 calories worth of toffee that my roommate left laying on the table.  Ugh.
  1. The good parts of today were the fact that I had a *lot* of water and have been keeping up with that goal meticulously, the fact that I’m still coffee free, and the fact that I made tasty meals that were satisfying three times.  Nothing on the go, nothing mediocre.
  2. It would have been a perfect day if I hadn’t had the toffee and the cinnamon bun.  Your suggestions have been on the mark, and despite the fact that I am *extremely* stressed right now, I need to put them in action.  Today I’m going to  try doing something else when I’m stressed, and making room for *small* portions of sweets to see if that will curb the craving.

Really want to blog about everything that is stressing me out, but I have to get going.  More later.

Monday was one of these days that I don’t really know how to characterize, because it was full of ups and downs.  I’m really stressed out right now– about health and food, about men, about work, about money, about my future– and I need to get it together.

Today is ‘rosh chodesh’– basically, a new month on the Jewish calendar.  I’m not very religious (though I toy with it), but since I’ve lived in Israel and people actually semi-acknowledge rosh chodesh, I’ve always tried to look at the new month as a chance to start over.  This month (Adar, btw), I’m definitely going to try and do that in many respects.  More on that later…

Monday’s food:

Breakfast:

  • Quick Oats w/ 1 tbsp of peanut butter, cinnamon, and sweet-n-low (another attempt at having protein for breakfast– and it was *very* tasty– I was full until lunch, which is definitely an accomplishment)

Lunch:

  • Had another lunch that is provided by my workplace– same boring lunch as yesterday, basically– in an effort to save money, and because I’m not ‘home’ to make my usual lunches:  tuna on a (white) roll w/ tomato and light mayo
  • a few spoonfuls of cottage cheese

Snack:

  • 2 maple cookies  — I had this right after lunch and so I wasn’t even hungry– I just needed something sweet.  I’m trying to internalize some of your advice and accept that this is OK as long as I don’t binge and go overboard.

Dinner:

  • My friend that just got back from Canada gave me a bottle of real maple syrup, which is hard to come by in Israel (and obviously, the best comes from Canada!):

img_54241So, naturally, R and I made pancakes for dinner (and I’m still looking for a unique recipe to make use of the syrup)….

img_54221Pancakes were okay– we burnt a few (also pictured!) and we used margarine instead of butter– which simply doesn’t work. It’s not that they were bad, but I feel like in the future, if I’m going to *indulge* in pancakes, I’m going to make them the right way.  You really need that buttery flavor.

Kept up with my water intake, too– which helped.

  1. Ate pancakes beyond when I stopped being hungry.  It just felt like such a treat and I had just come home from a *VERY* stressful day at work (and was on my way back after dinner to deal with more stress) and I did the whole stress-eating  thing.  I’m not terribly upset about it, but I need to keep my promise to myself to really work on this.
  2. I need to remember to bring a whole wheat roll on days that I’m going to surrender to the office tuna for lunch.  I just don’t feel healthy when I eat a  big, white roll.
  3. Next time, one maple cookie should do the trick 🙂
  4. Definitely need to keep up with the protein for breakfast trend.  It makes *such* a difference.

I feel like all of my ups and downs in terms of food are  related to the ups and downs of my life in general.  I’m going to take an hour today to write about everything that is stressing me out and to come up with proactive ways to deal with it all.  I come home every day and just want to collapse in my bed and forget it all– and shockingly enough, it’s not helping 🙂  Maybe I’ll blog about some of this stuff later, when I have more clarity.

xo

Okay, I’m back from DC – I’m glad that Tal was able to hold down the fort. Of course, this weekend I not only fell off the wagon, I think I broke it. I drank wayyy more than I needed to, although,  I suppose food-wise I did pretty well. We only ate home-cooked meals (with the exception of pizza one night). Of course, no exercise, which I really need to work on.

I’m in a strange place right now in my life and I need to stop that from affecting my personal health, which it clearly is. Since I pretty much failed on all my goals for last week, I’m going to set some new ones and hold myself to a higher standard of accountability. Hopefully, I can do better this week.

Goals for Week 2:

  • Post my food log every day.
  • Get to the gym 3x this week.
  • Take my blood thinners daily.
  • Cook dinner 2x this week and post the recipes.
  • Cut down on alcohol – no drinking in the apartment
  • Write about my experience with blood clotting.

I’ve been doing some thinking. Recently, there was a period of a couple of months when I lived a life that I would call healthy. Sure, I screwed up from time to time, but in general, my diet was great and I was running on a regular basis. Not just running, but running and challenging myself to the extent that I made noticeable improvements. I want to go back to that period, but with a few minor adjustments (cooking meals instead of downing yogurt 3 times a day, and not obsessing to the extent that my ‘healthy lifestyle’ ruins my social life and my mental health).

It seems, though, that I keep slipping up and I’ve been thinking about why. That aforementioned period of time came when I’d just about had it with myself and my body. My whole life seemed to be falling apart, and this was one area in which I had control. I figured, if I could be thinner and healthier, the rest might just fall into place (irrationally). Now, I’m much busier and I’m making strides in other areas of my life. I don’t feel healthy, but I don’t have much time to look in the mirror and say ‘ugh.’ Basically, my health has taken a backseat to, well, everything else– work, men, friends– you name it. I’ve realized that if I want to be healthy again, it’s time to readjust my priorities.

I come from a family where we know amount of truth within the cliche– “if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.” Emotional eating isn’t healthy. Getting almost zero exercise isn’t healthy. Drinking too much isn’t healthy. Eating until I’m stuffed rather than full isn’t healthy. Skipping meals to temporarily feel better isn’t healthy. If I continue to do all of this, my weight will continue to suffer, and my cardiovascular health (which is of great concern to me) will suffer. At the end of the day, I won’t feel good about myself and I won’t feel healthy. I can’t just keep a food diary and be apologetic– I need to put my *everything* into this.

I figured that a good way to start is to go over recent accomplishments that help me feel more capable than I’ve been feeling lately.

  • I haven’t had a cup of coffee in over 2 weeks. I have an extremely strong addiction (psychologically and physically) and due to anxiety problems and potential cardiovascular issues, I cut it out completely. This has already improved my quality of life and I’m really happy that I made this healthy decision.
  • I’ve stopped putting myself to sleep with Tylenol PM. I used to take Tylenol PM once every couple of nights to fall asleep. When I didn’t have it, I tossed and turned *way* too much. This started almost immediately after I stopped smoking pot on a regular basis, which is how I taught myself that I needed to self-medicate to sleep. Now, I make sure that I get up on time and that my days are full. My head generally hits the pillow at a reasonable hour and I sleep soundly.
  • I’ve cut down on my binge drinking. It used to be a once-a-week activity (and for years, even more than that) and I’ve realized that 1) it’s not healthy and 2) there are other things to do.

So all of that is a start. Now, it’s time to have concrete goals, and I am a firm believer that no one can do it all at once.

  • I will run (or go to the gym) 3x per week.
  • I am giving up chocolate. Yes, those of you that know me read that correctly– I want to give up chocolate. Not forever, but for a long enough period of time that it can cease to be my default when I’m stressed or when I just need something sweet. So many times, I walk past the corner store in need of a pick-me-up. I eye the fruit and the juices and contemplate, but something chocolate always wins me over. Like coffee, I need to remove my dependency.

That’s enough for right now. If I can make those two things habitual, my list of accomplishments will increase and I’ll be ready to make more strides.

All of that being said– food diary from 2/14:

Breakfast:

  • Oatmeal (not instant!) with skim milk and cinnamon
  • Decaf coffee

Mid-morning snack:

  • 1/2 whole wheat pita with 1 piece of melted light cheese

Late lunch:

  • 2 light corn shnitzels (basically soy and corn in a patty, 70 kcals each and pretty tasty)
  • Avocado salad with 4 light, unsalted rice cakes

My friends were late for dinner:

  • 3 medium-sized crackers with light, sugar-free strawberry jelly

Had dinner guests and that’s when it sort of went to hell:

  • 2 glasses of white wine
  • 1 modest portion (!) of pasta with sauce (sauce had eggplant, onion, garlic, oregano, and crushed tomatoes)
  • um, too much cake

The cake is the only thing that I’m not proud of. It was chocolate, too.

Anyway, I mentioned the avocado salad. I love avocado and I’m always toying with different ways to make it. Today, I realized that simple is better. Avocado has an amazing natural flavor and there is no need to treat it like tomato sauce. So, my final recipe is:

Best avocado salad only has 3 ingredients!

Best avocado salad only has 3 ingredients!

  • 3 small avocados (makes more than one serving), mashed with remaining chunks (I find that it tastes ‘richer’ if you don’t mash the avocados to death
  • 1 small *red* onion, diced into incredibly small pieces
  • a drizzle or two of lemon juice

And that’s it. Really, it’s perfect !

Today had its ups and down.  I’m really stressed out and I felt myself battling with food choices all day.  Saying no– which I only accomplished at certain points– was such a headache.  I’ve made it a goal this week to talk to someone about emotional eating; I can’t freak out like this and be unhealthy each time that life gets a little messy.

Today’s Food:

Breakfast:

  • Made the mistake of skipping breakfast and just having a decaf coffee, which threw me off for the rest of the day. Note to self:  don’t do that!

10AM fuck-I-didn’t-eat-breakfast-and- I’m-hungry snack:

  • Piece of whole wheat pita with 2 slices of light, cholesterol free cheese
  • fat-free vanilla yogurt

Lunch:

  • Got invited to a Thai restaurant for lunch and opted for the “light pad thai”, which has  a really light sauce.  Still, it was a lot of noodles and I was stuffed rather than full. Couldn’t have been a good idea.

Snack:

  • Hot Vanilla at Coffee Bean.  Got a small, but I checked their website and it’s still almost 400 calories and *way* too much sugar.

Dinner:

  • Roomie made pasta at 9pm and although I swore that I wasn’t going eat anything else since I’d definitely had my share for the day, I was feeling ‘needy’ and joined her.  It was pasta with tuna, olive oil, and onions.  Not terrible catastrophic, but I didn’t need it.  I had a small portion and she made fun of me for it.  Seriously need a roommate that has the desire to be healthy.

Thoughts/Goals:

  • I really want to cut down on my sugar intake.  I’ve been largely successful in doing this, but something like a Hot Vanilla in the middle of the day is something that I should simply say no to.   Sugar makes me feel 1) hungry and 2) completely unhealthy.
  • Never skip breakfast!!!!
  • Going out to eat and eating a Roomie Dinner in one day will make me feel gross, for sure.

Exercising has been a struggle for me this week. I went running once, and I spent the rest of the week feeling too tired and sorry for myself to get my ass out there.  I need to correct this next week– I feel completely lazy.

Having friends over for dinner tonight and browsing healthy recipes…

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