exercise


Today was another mostly positive day. I did break my no snacking rule, however, it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t drink a drop of alcohol, although the stress of work and the start of my period really made me crave a whiskey sour (I don’t know why, but it gets rid of my cramps). I also went to the gym again, but I only did 45 minutes this time – I was too ravenous and crampy to stay any longer. Here’s the food log.

Breakfast

  • 2% Plain Fage Greek yogurt, sweetened with honey
  • 3 grapes (didn’t like them, so I only ate three)

Lunch

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  • Chili spiced sweet potatoes
  • Cajun rice (only ate about 1/2 serving on the plate)
  • BBQ Jalapeno seitan
  • 1 1/2 sugar cookies

Snack

  • Handful of Pirate’s Booty
  • Small package of gummy bears

Post work-out snack

  • Cube of mozzarella cheese
  • Small handful of caramel flavored rice cakes

Dinner

  • 1 Lamburger (so good!)
  • Walnut and Parmesan salad w/ homemade vinaigrette

Snack

  • Two thin mint girl scout cookies (edit: I ate two more when roomie and I were staying up talking. My stomach was growling. haha)

I feel like I ate SO much writing it all out and yet I’m still not really full. That’s the thing with me and working out. The second I start burning calories and doing cardio, I become a beast. I just want to eat and eat. I don’t feel bad about what I ate today (at least I didn’t while I was eating it), but now that I’ve elaborated on it, it feels excessive. I really hate snacking – it’s not something I like doing, but I need the fuel. I just need to fuel a bit more efficiently, I think.

On the plus side, I had a nice moment today where I stopped eating Pirate’s Booty because I realized I was only eating it because it was there. I really want to try and focus on eating only when I’m hungry, instead of acting like I’ve been on a desert island with no food and all of a sudden, I’m in a grocery store. Honestly, sometimes that’s how I behave. It’s not attractive and it certainly hasn’t gotten me anywhere. So that’s my new focus – what, when and why am I eating?

Today I decided to be completely and totally selfish and it seems to have worked for me. I told myself that I was leaving work at 5 pm regardless of what I had or hadn’t finished. I got in at 8 am and damnit, 9 hours with no concrete lunch break is more than enough work for a day, especially considering what I do. So I left work at 5, picked up my blood thinners and some toiletries, got some groceries to make dinner and came home. I also went to the gym! Yay! Worked out for 1 hour – 30 minute course on the bike and 30 minutes of the elliptical/stairmaster hybrid machine. I feel fabulous! I hope I can keep this attitude up tomorrow.

As for food – I’m okay today. It was mac and cheese bar at work, which means all mac and cheese, all the time. Macaroni and cheese is my weakness and I refuse to say no to it, so I had it for lunch, but I coupled it with a nice salad, so I don’t feel so bad about it. I ate a fruit/veggie at every meal and I even remembered to take pictures. I also took my blood thinners in the correct dosage. Today is definitely a success!

Food Diary

Breakfast

breakfast

  • Greek yogurt with walnuts and honey
  • 1 honey tangerine

Lunch

lunch

  • One small scoop of buffalo chicken mac and cheese
  • Classic mac and cheese with jalapeno tabasco sauce (the only way to eat it – for realz)
  • Mixed greens with walnuts, parmesan, and balsamic vinaigrette dressing

Dinner

dinner

  • 2 small lamb and mozzarella burgers, each one on half of a whole wheat bun
  • Mixed greens with walnuts, freshly grated parmesan, and homemade balsamic vinaigrette dressing

Alcohol

  • None – take that!

Recipes:

Lamb Burger with Smoked Mozzarella

  • Cut 1/4 pound of smoked mozzarella into four pieces
  • Divide a pound of ground lamb into quarters
  • Form into patties around each piece of cheese
  • Add salt and pepper to taste
  • Grill or broil until the outsides feel very firm, 3-4 min per side
  • Serve on toasted buns

Homemade balsamic vinaigrette

  • I Tbsp.Dijon  mustard
  • 2-3 Tbsp. balsamic vinegar
  • 2-3  Tbsp.olive oil
  • 2-3 Tbsp. canola oil
  • salt and pepper

Got into a draining argument with the boy (not boyfriend– we have issues, which is a whole different story for a different blog) and was feeling sorry for myself all day.  That and the rainy weather (which I absolutely love, but still…) made me really sluggish.  Didn’t do much that didn’t require a lot of sitting, aside from walking  this cutie– the dog that I’m dogsitting right now:

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Anyway, on to today’s food:

Brunch (woke up too late for breakfast):

  • Quick Oats with skim milk, Splenda, and cinnamon– simple, but good.

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  • 2 eggs with onions and spoonful of matbucha— good! And finally eating some protein:

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  • Small salad– which was really just a few lettuce leaves with light vinegarette

Snack:

  • Bowl of Cheerios
  • Decaf coffee with skim

Dinner:

  • R and I made this delicious Garlic Soup— great recipe, recommend using 2 cups of stock rather than 1.5:

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  • Salad– lettuce, tomato, cucumber, fennel (recent obsession of mine), and light vinegarette
  • Sweet potato with margarine– always, always, always yummy:

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  • Israeli couscous– another recent obsession of mine– with a few spoonfuls of tomato paste, garlic, zucchini, onion, and a few sprinkles of all spice:

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I really enjoyed this dinner.  A lot.  Felt satisfied again, not completely stuffed.

I felt like I ate well today in the sense that I had two meals that were tasty and healthy.  I didn’t eat anything on-the-go (probably because I was a complete blob all day and didn’t really go anywhere!) and it’s just a simple fact that I really enjoy my food a lot more when I put some effort into it.

I’m still housesitting for another week, but I’m going to make a real effort to not slack when it comes to cooking and healthy (not dull) eating.

Over 3 weeks and I’m still coffee free! Pretty soon, I’ll have gone a week without chocolate, also.

Today’s biggest accomplishment, by far, was not eating something unhealthy or unnecessary just because I was stressed and upset about the previously mentioned boy.

On to my exercise problems– I’m supposed to run a 10k in 1 month and a half and I am so exhausted lately and slacking in the running department.  I need to run that race 😦

I’ve been doing some thinking. Recently, there was a period of a couple of months when I lived a life that I would call healthy. Sure, I screwed up from time to time, but in general, my diet was great and I was running on a regular basis. Not just running, but running and challenging myself to the extent that I made noticeable improvements. I want to go back to that period, but with a few minor adjustments (cooking meals instead of downing yogurt 3 times a day, and not obsessing to the extent that my ‘healthy lifestyle’ ruins my social life and my mental health).

It seems, though, that I keep slipping up and I’ve been thinking about why. That aforementioned period of time came when I’d just about had it with myself and my body. My whole life seemed to be falling apart, and this was one area in which I had control. I figured, if I could be thinner and healthier, the rest might just fall into place (irrationally). Now, I’m much busier and I’m making strides in other areas of my life. I don’t feel healthy, but I don’t have much time to look in the mirror and say ‘ugh.’ Basically, my health has taken a backseat to, well, everything else– work, men, friends– you name it. I’ve realized that if I want to be healthy again, it’s time to readjust my priorities.

I come from a family where we know amount of truth within the cliche– “if you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything.” Emotional eating isn’t healthy. Getting almost zero exercise isn’t healthy. Drinking too much isn’t healthy. Eating until I’m stuffed rather than full isn’t healthy. Skipping meals to temporarily feel better isn’t healthy. If I continue to do all of this, my weight will continue to suffer, and my cardiovascular health (which is of great concern to me) will suffer. At the end of the day, I won’t feel good about myself and I won’t feel healthy. I can’t just keep a food diary and be apologetic– I need to put my *everything* into this.

I figured that a good way to start is to go over recent accomplishments that help me feel more capable than I’ve been feeling lately.

  • I haven’t had a cup of coffee in over 2 weeks. I have an extremely strong addiction (psychologically and physically) and due to anxiety problems and potential cardiovascular issues, I cut it out completely. This has already improved my quality of life and I’m really happy that I made this healthy decision.
  • I’ve stopped putting myself to sleep with Tylenol PM. I used to take Tylenol PM once every couple of nights to fall asleep. When I didn’t have it, I tossed and turned *way* too much. This started almost immediately after I stopped smoking pot on a regular basis, which is how I taught myself that I needed to self-medicate to sleep. Now, I make sure that I get up on time and that my days are full. My head generally hits the pillow at a reasonable hour and I sleep soundly.
  • I’ve cut down on my binge drinking. It used to be a once-a-week activity (and for years, even more than that) and I’ve realized that 1) it’s not healthy and 2) there are other things to do.

So all of that is a start. Now, it’s time to have concrete goals, and I am a firm believer that no one can do it all at once.

  • I will run (or go to the gym) 3x per week.
  • I am giving up chocolate. Yes, those of you that know me read that correctly– I want to give up chocolate. Not forever, but for a long enough period of time that it can cease to be my default when I’m stressed or when I just need something sweet. So many times, I walk past the corner store in need of a pick-me-up. I eye the fruit and the juices and contemplate, but something chocolate always wins me over. Like coffee, I need to remove my dependency.

That’s enough for right now. If I can make those two things habitual, my list of accomplishments will increase and I’ll be ready to make more strides.

All of that being said– food diary from 2/14:

Breakfast:

  • Oatmeal (not instant!) with skim milk and cinnamon
  • Decaf coffee

Mid-morning snack:

  • 1/2 whole wheat pita with 1 piece of melted light cheese

Late lunch:

  • 2 light corn shnitzels (basically soy and corn in a patty, 70 kcals each and pretty tasty)
  • Avocado salad with 4 light, unsalted rice cakes

My friends were late for dinner:

  • 3 medium-sized crackers with light, sugar-free strawberry jelly

Had dinner guests and that’s when it sort of went to hell:

  • 2 glasses of white wine
  • 1 modest portion (!) of pasta with sauce (sauce had eggplant, onion, garlic, oregano, and crushed tomatoes)
  • um, too much cake

The cake is the only thing that I’m not proud of. It was chocolate, too.

Anyway, I mentioned the avocado salad. I love avocado and I’m always toying with different ways to make it. Today, I realized that simple is better. Avocado has an amazing natural flavor and there is no need to treat it like tomato sauce. So, my final recipe is:

Best avocado salad only has 3 ingredients!

Best avocado salad only has 3 ingredients!

  • 3 small avocados (makes more than one serving), mashed with remaining chunks (I find that it tastes ‘richer’ if you don’t mash the avocados to death
  • 1 small *red* onion, diced into incredibly small pieces
  • a drizzle or two of lemon juice

And that’s it. Really, it’s perfect !

Today had its ups and down.  I’m really stressed out and I felt myself battling with food choices all day.  Saying no– which I only accomplished at certain points– was such a headache.  I’ve made it a goal this week to talk to someone about emotional eating; I can’t freak out like this and be unhealthy each time that life gets a little messy.

Today’s Food:

Breakfast:

  • Made the mistake of skipping breakfast and just having a decaf coffee, which threw me off for the rest of the day. Note to self:  don’t do that!

10AM fuck-I-didn’t-eat-breakfast-and- I’m-hungry snack:

  • Piece of whole wheat pita with 2 slices of light, cholesterol free cheese
  • fat-free vanilla yogurt

Lunch:

  • Got invited to a Thai restaurant for lunch and opted for the “light pad thai”, which has  a really light sauce.  Still, it was a lot of noodles and I was stuffed rather than full. Couldn’t have been a good idea.

Snack:

  • Hot Vanilla at Coffee Bean.  Got a small, but I checked their website and it’s still almost 400 calories and *way* too much sugar.

Dinner:

  • Roomie made pasta at 9pm and although I swore that I wasn’t going eat anything else since I’d definitely had my share for the day, I was feeling ‘needy’ and joined her.  It was pasta with tuna, olive oil, and onions.  Not terrible catastrophic, but I didn’t need it.  I had a small portion and she made fun of me for it.  Seriously need a roommate that has the desire to be healthy.

Thoughts/Goals:

  • I really want to cut down on my sugar intake.  I’ve been largely successful in doing this, but something like a Hot Vanilla in the middle of the day is something that I should simply say no to.   Sugar makes me feel 1) hungry and 2) completely unhealthy.
  • Never skip breakfast!!!!
  • Going out to eat and eating a Roomie Dinner in one day will make me feel gross, for sure.

Exercising has been a struggle for me this week. I went running once, and I spent the rest of the week feeling too tired and sorry for myself to get my ass out there.  I need to correct this next week– I feel completely lazy.

Having friends over for dinner tonight and browsing healthy recipes…